r/bipolar•
pdmnb

Acute writer’s block since manic episode. Any suggestions from you lovely creatives would be welcome

General

Greetings fam! I saw that so many of you find solace in creative projects, and wanted your advice. I am a graduate student, and writing (creative and academic pieces - articles, op-eds and theses) used to be my lifeline. Words would flow from my fingertips with great ease, and I never had to worry about stumbling over words, finding perfect phrases to encapsulate my emotions over specific themes, or generally moving forward with my writing in any way whatsoever. I had a sharp manic psychosis last May, followed by a hospitalisation. The crash since then has been inevitable, and as most of you know, draining at many levels. I spiralled into the worst depression of my life, the colours faded away into nothing , and I lost my way with words. I took a sabbatical from graduate school for the year (still on it) and while my medications (Latuda, Lamictal, Depakote and Pristiq) have pulled me out of the depression, I struggle so much to write again. It feels like someone chopped off a limb, and I can still feel the haunting phantom cries , but can’t get myself to do anything about it. Has anyone gone through the same thing, for any creative process? Do you have any suggestions? I would be so, so grateful. I would be happy to write you something. I’ve been practising writing a little bit everyday but the struggle is tearing my self confidence into shreds. All help would be really appreciated. Lots of love.

Posted Mar 9, 2020, 2:56 PM UTC

24
tittykilla69Bipolar 1•

I think that the creativity is still there, but mania lets you become more unhinged in how you come up with ideas and they flow faster. Your confidence and writing style demonstrated in your work shows because you aren't doubting yourself while writing in a manic state. Every idea is a self perceived good idea when manic. You're focusing that grandiosity and channeling it into your work because your ability to doubt yourself is impaired.

When I write while manic, the ideas flow yet come out disorganized on paper. Grandiosity creates ideas that can be fine tuned while in a stable mindset

But if depression makes you not enjoy writing, then maybe try writing short stories or something so you're able to come up with new ideas without the long term commitment of a bigger project. But try to remember that you have one brain and the manic version of yourself is still you, just with a different train of thought while working.

2
lonelyfriend99•

It does get better eventually. I’m a poet— had a manic/psychotic episode in November and am slowly trying to get back into this practice that I love so dearly. I often wonder if my meds alter my creative faculties, but my doc has tried to remind me that the creativity is still there, just need to practice accessing it (safely). It’s the worst when you can’t write. Do you journal? I find that the mundane and easy but obligatory writing each day just gets the words moving a bit better. Good luck to you

1
signorialchoad•

Congrats on a little bit everyday, that’s a little bit, everyday, more than I was capable of for months after my October ecstasis. It’s maddening because writing can be a way out of despondency, but only once one can muster the modicum of energy and attention even commencing it requires— also shitty maybe the way the meds that pull us out of depression depress the dynamism of our creative faculties. Maybe try really getting into the present by writing about the feelings of being estranged from your former fluency, what that diminution feels like and how it connects to existential insecurities. I really don’t have much or good advice, but felt compelled to speak up for having recognized so much of my own struggle in your well-structured, articulate post ;). Hope a little bit, everyday, augments and deepens dimensionally, till it feels like just the right amount, heading in just the right direction.

1
pdmnbOPBipolar 2•

Thank you so much for your reply. It made me feel much less isolated to know that people are going through the same thing. I also wanted to commend your beautiful use of words - I can tell you’re a very compassionate and coherent person just from the depth of your empathy and the way you wrote back. Good luck to you too, I hope it gets better for both of us

2