New hire feeling unwanted and suicidal due to poor treatment from a handful of partners and manager here..

So, this is going to be a rant. I debated on saying anything just because I don’t even have the energy to tell anyone what’s wrong now days. That’s how deep in this depression I’m in.. but I feel like everything I’d read and been told by friends that were partners in the past is the complete opposite of what I’m getting. At first everything was all roses and sunshine. I had an issue with one partner the first week but now she’s one of the people who stand up for me with other baristas are rude and talk shit w my manager. Other than that, I was so fucking excited about the job. But as of late the energy has totally changed. I came back after last week (manager was out of town so obviously it was probably the best week out the 5 I’ve been working there) and I’m lonely, miserable and feel like a complete idiot. Partners who had just been trying to befriend me are dismissive and different, one in particular will go on her 10 and I hear my name going back and forth between her and my manager. Everyone’s always having a great fucking time and talking about their plans together etc and I’m just sitting at the register starring into space. I’ve had customers tip me 5-20 dollars 6 times within the past two weeks because they felt sorry for me. I get asked all the time, “are you okay, sweetie?” Even though I’m smiling and trying my hardest to cover up how I really feel. It’s so cliquey in my store and I feel like the same outcast I was back in highschool. All my co-workers are my age or in their 30’s (a lot of military wives) and have kids. I’m 24, I keep exotic reptiles and amphibians and I haven’t got to place in life where I feel like I can provide for a child so I’m holding out. I’m also single. I want so desperately to just be normal, for them to like me so I can experience the workplace I thought I signed up for. But I don’t see that happening with how things are going. What’s worse is that with how treatment affects my work. It’s hard for me to stay in character for customers when my co-workers and manager are making me feel like a worthless shit stain, ya know? I’ve started shaking, getting tongue tied and fucking up orders due to how they make me feel this past week and I just need advice on what to do from here.

Before this week it was all, “wow you’re doing so good” and one older women putting her shoulder on me and telling me how hard of a worker I am and that I’m going to do just fine to being made out like I’m the bane of everyone’s existence and when it’s not that, I don’t exist to them. I have a history of self-harm & acting on impulse due to bottling up everything. Then I just fucking explode and wake up in the hospital with no memory of what I did. With how this is going, I’m bound to just gun it to 125 off a cliff after work one day. And I’m tired of feeling this way and not being able to talk to anyone about it or feel like anything will change. I don’t quit anything easily, ever. And I don’t want to quit this job at all but waking up and already being ridden with anxiety and wondering how you’ll be targeted next is not any way to live life.. so I’d just appreciate any advice you have to give