(NOT covid-19) do I stay abroad or return home?

*this has nothing to do with Coronavirus, but I am really sorry to everyone who’s struggling right now :(

Hi Reddit, I’m plagued with conflicting wants and I would really love for some input.

Long story short: Recent graduate moved abroad for work but wants to fulfil passions that are put on hold because of living abroad. Yet, at the same time, wants to continue living abroad because the love of the sea and nature is not available easily back home (I feel no-where in the UK could accommodate me considering I’m not rich enough to live in the super south west, plus it’s not sub tropical).

Firstly, I realise this is a privileged position to be in and this is no way boasting about what I have/don’t have. I just feel incredibly lost.

I’m from a very cold/cloudy area of the UK and currently live and work in a sub-tropical country where, outside of work, I am very happy with my surroundings (for the first time). Actually, I have never known a stronger love than my love for the ocean. My new lifestyle (closeness to open water) enables me to drive to the beach whenever I feel I want to and it is a luxury I have missed my entire life.

On the other hand, I am a huge social butterfly and miss the large gatherings, friends and coffee dates (inc. oat milk) with all of my friends back home esp. the lack of having to worry about being on a non-permanent visa. I am also part of the LGBT community and miss the inclusion of the UK scene. It has also massively destroyed my mental health and I often have days where I feel like my whole life is falling apart.

(That be apart of leaving Uni, too...?)

My partner came to this new country with me and we’re both really enjoying it, but I can’t help but feel moving back to the UK is a practical decision. It would enable us to a myriad of opportunities we just cannot achieve here in a short space of time; we both want flexible jobs and do not really care so much for the strict business ladder, but to live here live requires a job that is ‘acceptable’ and relevant for visa sponsorship.

I have 2 options that confront me every day, relentlessly.

Acquire citizenship (I’m 1/5 years there already) so I can become a normal resident, thus enabling us to live a more relaxed life here and feel free to follow creative passions. (and work on my passions as much as I can)

OR

Go back to the UK and fulfil all the goals that suddenly will be available to me, free from work visa requirements and full time employment. I.e. via working part time I can quickly gain traction on my hobbies.

I’m not rich and even back home I’d have to work, but I wonder if I’d have more opportunity at a faster pace available to me. ALSO I worked so fucking hard to get this job and put so much effort into finally ‘making’ it, I’d feel like a failure/fuck up to come home. I don’t need or really want to go home, I just feel I must…

I’ve also spent a lot of money setting up here because I came here with a mind set to stay...

Please help 😔 Thank you so much!