My Heart Is Yours, Even If You Don't Realize

I don't even know where to start!

The first time we met was very meaningful when I look back on it. Late January you walked in and asked if I was new to this therapy program we are doing and introduced yourself. I remember thinking how cute you are and how young you looked; around my age. I had you explain what I needed to know about this place. Now when I reflect I notice you haven't done that to anyone else. None of the other new people got your attention like that. My heart is POUNDING thinking of how that makes me feel.

The more time goes on, the closer we inevitably got. There are countless jokes that only you and I get while the others sit and stare. When something funny happens I always catch you looking at me to see my reaction right away. We are by far the youngest in that crowd and Im so glad it had to be you, here, now.

I feel weird... I have to vent about this part. During Valentines Day I had a boyfriend. A boy who lived 2 hours away and I spoiled him to death. I remember telling you all the stuff I got for him because I didn't know what else to talk about. Oh my god and you got so quiet GOD IM SUCH A BITCH LOL I didn't realize wtf I was letting happen. I can tell this pushed you away for a bit.

February 15th you were arrested (again) ((for the 2nd? 3rd? time)). When I found out I wanted to cry. Fuck, you have no idea how shitty I felt knowing you felt you had to do some stupid shit just to get a good rush and later have to majorly pay for it. I definitely teared up in group and prayed nobody noticed. Im not with that guy anymore by the way.

Fast Forward to today, March 11th. You had court yesterday for that incident. Since the fucking police have your phone, we communicate via FORTNITE oh my god hahahaha anyway, we played for 6 hours straight until neither of us could keep our eyes open. You told me then you would explain how court went when you saw me the next day (which is now today). You never showed up. You haven't been online. Am I a fucking obsessed psycho or Is it somehow normal to worry this much?

I told a fellow group member about our fortnite affairs, he is a good friend of both of ours and much older. He gets it though. The way his voice changed when he said "ohh you guys were talking?" made my heart skip a beat. Yes we talk. Yes I cherish every moment. God I am sooo extra.......

I think back to that one Friday... we spent the day laughing and being side by side. You sat next to me during a wack ass meditation thing we had to do and we giggled through it together. More than anything... I wish our hands had touched in that dark room for a moment, so I could feel even closer to you. This thing we have... is addicting. Whatever the fuck is going on don't let it stop. Im here for you. I can tell it's mutual, but will one of us even say it?