Living Hell (20M)

First off, throwaway acct.

Second, ignoring my hell of a childhood (basically adoption, rape between my blood brother and sister with some physical abuse mixed in), here's the rundown of my life:

Did well in school until middle school (when family drama hit me hard).

I barely scraped by in HS.

After HS I worked a couple jobs until I finally quit at a job as a Licensed Locksmith.

I am glad I left if for no other reason than health issues related to stress. After working there as a 20 yo 5'8" Male I went up to about 225 lbs. Before working there I never went over 200 lbs. After quitting I've dropped back down rapidly.

I've now started my own Locksmith business which is starting rather slow. (Not making enough money yet to feel comfortable moving out of my parent's house or provide enough to allow me to save any money.)

I've had issues with insomnia for months now without finding any sort of relief from it. Even meds that typically put me to sleep like Benadryl don't do anything.

The only bit of true happiness I can find is when I am doing some sort of volunteer work (mainly through my church) which lasts for very little time.

I am an introvert by nature (had to be drunk to type this) and always do the most I can to help those less fortunate than I am.

I don't know what I am looking for at this point, I just feel so alone in this world. Someone on Hinge seemed to have the same morals as I did (even had attended the same mission trip yet through their own church) yet ghosted me. (Like anyone else I've met.)

I turn 21 in less than a month yet it seems the only people close enough to care is a few family members (including my parents) and maybe a friend. (Only like 2 to choose from and it seems he mainly cares because he won't have to sit at bars alone).

There is so much more detail I could add, but I just don't have the motivation to.

To those who read this or to those who don't, I hope your life ends up better than mine has. I hope everyone can experience true happiness that lasts a lifetime. If it takes my suffering to make others happy then I will accept my fate.

I guess I am meant to be alone. Meant to be sad. Yet meant to help others.

Sorry for rambling. I hope I can get my life in check.... i guess we'll see.