why even attempt again

honestly i just want to not be here anymore but i dont even have the motivation to attempt because it just feels pointless. ive been hospitalized 3 different times for overdoses which is the only way i could ever see myself going, but it hasnt worked out yet and it just makes everything more inconvenient and makes my family and friends upset with me. i wish everyday that something would just happen to me naturally so no one would resent me for my death