It's only a matter of time

I have been crying for 3 hours straight. This is normal. I just wish I was fucking dead. I am so alone even though I have friends. And I talk to one of my coaches sometimes but I'm scared that I am bothering/stressing him out by always crying to him. Every day it just seems more and more appealing... it feels like I know I am going to eventually kill myself but now it's just a matter of when.