what my therapist told me about my grief

the other day, i saw my therapist for the first time since my friends funeral. i had to go because i cant stop having dreams about her. its been almost a year now. her birthday was about two weeks ago. she would have been 18. the hardest part is saying "would have been" instead of saying "will be" or "just turned". the term "would have been" is supposed to be for my grandparents and other people who have lived a full life.

i told my therapist about everything (aka all the people who have passed since i saw her last and how) that has happened in those past few months since i saw her last. she came to a conclusion based off of the dreams i told her that were haunting me the most, she said she thinks that im still hung up on the fact that the youngest person i lost last year was 17. she knew her, and she said that what gets her through her passing is that she now knows she is no longer in pain. she told me i need to find my comfort in death. that really made me think, and i have now thought about it like that for all of my passing peers this past year.

my friend was in a lot of mental pain. she never has to wake up and hate who she is or suffer through decisions we know damn well she doesnt want to make. my aunt was in a lot of pain as well. she got behind on her finances once and was never able to catch back up. she never has to wake up and worry and stress over how she is going to pay for herself and her kids to survive anymore. my grandfather lived a full life. he was 86 when he passed. he went on his own terms and i am able to accept his death because i know he went out surrounded by all of us (his wife, both children, and 3/4 grandchildren with an exception made for my brother with autism who would not have been able to go into the icu). he lived a happy life, and made the most of everything.

what i am saying is i learned that you have to find a way to accept death before it can stop controlling your life. i just turned 19 last month, and i have dealt with waaaaaaay more death than the average person my age. it still takes a lot for me to accept everybodys passings, but if you can come up with a comforting reason that you keep telling yourself, it makes everything easier. you cant go back in time and change the past, so you might as well find a way to understand it.

whoever you are grieving over, they still love you. they are still with you in your own way. they wouldnt want to see you so upset, so in order to stay sane, you need to learn to accept their passing. if anybody ever needs to talk, i am always available to contact. i believe everybody is capable of overcoming obstacles (such as grief), and that includes you.