Not being here

Hey everyone. I'm going to try to Express myself even knowing English is not my mother language. I just have the idea to kill myself again (2 attempts on last years), it's been 7 years with medication (I'm 25) . I've been in a relationship with a girl who treats me well, it's a long distance relationship, but In the last months we can't even talk, she say I'm sleepy all the time and I can't pay her attention ( I consume 3 different medications, antipsychotics, antideppresives and anxiolytics) . I just don't know what to do. I love her but I don't know if I'm failing with my career or with my whole life. I just want some kind words, that's all I asking for . Is hard when you are stuck with your sick brain for 7 years already . Thank you for reading me ;)