Elana’s Drama: Impaction Inaction

#I swear this is real.

Reminder: if you have a good munchie, create a timeline before posting random screenshots of their social media!!! But considering she’s a rather prominent zebra and this drama is delicious, I think this one is worth trickling out.

So between posts her, her FB, her twitter and her IG, I’m still not clear what hate crime she’s a victim of, but here’s what I’ve gathered:

• She’s been in a POTS flare (?) since January
• She thought she had the ‘rona before all the cool kids got the ‘rona but they wouldn’t test her. the person who was her vector later tested negative
• She was promised a PICC in March and now we have a pandemic, sad trombone
• She is dying now for sure
• She was told she would expire last Monday (?) this monday (?) like a carton of milk by her GI doctor that Cedars-Sinai will not consult, and their GI doctor just told her to follow the standard course for obstipation (how dare he??)
• Her civil rights are being violated bc she was woken up by the phlebotomist at the crack of dawn. like they always do when you’re inpatient. so they can draw up your fucking labs by rounds...
• Her tests are all normal except for her x-rays showing her full of poop.
• She is trying to dictate her care plan which might as well involve demands for a pony at this point, during a pandemic, like a mad yuppie mom whose birth plan hit a snag. She is demanding a daily visit from a psychiatrist which, considering she’s claiming to be having conversations with god and epiphanies, is probably the only sensible thing in this entire shitfest
• She does not have a PCP. She has a hospital provided PCP (does she mean the hospitalist? wouldn’t a patient advocate who calls herself the CEO of the local EDS chapter know what a hospitalist is?) who is a jerk!!!!!
• Her previous Cedars’ provided PCP disappeared. I don’t know if she means he is dodging her calls or if like, he got kidnapped by the Russians. Either way, don’t ask questions, she doesn’t want to spend her last minutes on this planet discussing international espionage
• She is taking the time to answer questions and “advocate” while actively dying but only if she likes your questions
• She is in 1000% sepsis, which she knows bc she can feel it, but the doctors are being meanies and waiting for her blood cultures to come back instead of just blindly treating her self diagnosed sepsis
• And last but not least, the reason for this post, she was denied medical care in the form of, ahem... finger poopoo... in her own words.
• OH AND SHE STILL DEFINITELY HAS CORONA. but that shouldn’t matter bc her EDS is what makes her special. that and her unfingered butthole. but definitely not the corona, which she definitely still has

Please call your representatives. Don’t forget to vote this November so you and every one of your loved ones can also receive a finger poopoo in your time of need.

#tl;dr: 💩👌👈 — 🙅‍♂️🛑✋