Source
r/lgbt•
Pinata11

Is it just me or are lesbians accepted more than gays? (High school)

So I’m in HS and it just looks like lesbian chicks are way more accepted than gay guys. One time in my English class I was in a convo with people close to me and someone said something, I forgot, and the guy next to me said ‘he’s not gay’ in reference to me. Well I corrected him and his response was something like ‘gtf away from me’. Since we sat next to each other. Well he’s pretty chill with everything but I eventually changed those periods. Idk why I went on a rant there I just thought I should give an example.

Posted Mar 23, 2020, 6:36 PM UTC

2135
Giallama:nb-rainbow: A Rainbow of options, binary isn't one of them.•

I feel like people accept it more because its fetishsized unfortunately:/

22
[deleted]•

This. Lesbian women are only tolerated more by the straight society because they (ie men) have fantasies about them. That tolerance quickly disappears (or at worst even turns into violence) when wlw couples refuse to feed into those fantasies.

If politics and culture were dominated by the yaoi fangirl type of women the trend would be the opposite but then on the other hand, the straight women I've seen talking about it don't seem that likely to fetishise homosexuality

11
Never_heart•

No they are not accepted more. They are fetishized more. They just experience a different kind of prejudice

17
SalukiKnightX•

That sounds more right. Terrible flashback to the WWF/E days of HLA.

6
Pinata11OP:rainbow: Rainbow Rocks•

I disagree. Yes, there are people, lots, who are prejudice against lesbians, but generally, especially in younger groups, they are accepted more than gay guys.

-4
Never_heart•

There is a drip down effect from parents. This is why it appears accepted. You are confusing fetishization with acceptance

5
agirlisno__one:lesbian: Lesbian the Good Place•

Being overly sexualized doesn’t equal acceptance. I find that straight girls tend not to be very accepting of lesbians but over sexualize gay men and the opposite is true with straight men. I’ve had to deal with gross shit from men because they find it “hot” I like women. It’s not better; it’s just different.

3
Pinata11OP:rainbow: Rainbow Rocks•

Well, the fetishization, or sexualization of lesbians, does lead to wider acceptance and tolerance, because it normalizes it. Gay men are not nearly as fetishized as lesbians in younger groups, and this fetishization normalizes it, leading to acceptance and toleration.

1
agirlisno__one:lesbian: Lesbian the Good Place•

It’s not “acceptance” and I’m really disturbed you view the fetishization of us as something that benefits us. It leads to lesbians and other wlw experiencing sexual harassment and assault because men think it’s hot or think they can “change” us because they feel entitled to our bodies. Acknowledging someone else’s struggle in no way lessens your own. I’m not saying you don’t struggle as a gay man or that I have it worse than you. I’m just giving you some perspective.

1
Mber76shy trans pan human:trans-pan:•

Iv noticed that to in my school like if your a girl and tell somebody your a lesbian they’re cool with it but in my exporence tell someone your gay and they’re like get away from me

12
BBMcGruff•

There was a study that said lesbians are more accepted nearly world wide because the apparent adoption of masculine roles was seen as okay, whereas the adoption of feminine roles by gay men is not.

Combine that with fetishization of lesbians by men.

11
bloomdust:trans-pan: He/Him | Akoisexual Panromantic :progress:•

Femininity is often seen as a bad thing by society. It's fucked.

5
SausagePotatoes•

Lesbians are more accepted everywhere, even in homophobic countries. I think it has something to do with girls “acting more gay”, by being touchy and affectionate with each other, while that is “forbidden” for men to do against each other.

9
Captain_Bruh:nb-pan: Non Binary Pan-cakes•

Yeah, it's not "manly" for men to show affection or care regardless of whether it's with another man or not is what it seems like.

11
SalukiKnightX•

It’s so odd, I remember back 10 years ago in my time overseas. The TCN’s we looked after were extremely affectionate (think kids playing around w/o roughhousing) in what was a very homophobic Middle Eastern country.

2
lennartwelhof2•

Straights men just think that lesbian sex is hot I guess, girls usually dont care about someone's sexuality (in my eyes)

6
BBMcGruff•

girls usually dont care about someone's sexuality

Unless they're bisexual, especially guys.

4
lennartwelhof2•

Ah I should have been more specific, but yes, you're right. But somehow being a homosexual man is less acceptable (somehow)

2
dream1ng-1n-c0l0ur:rainbow-ace: Ace as a Rainbow•

I think part of this is what we called "male jail of emotions" in my pedagogic classes, which means guys aren't "supposed to" show emotions (a stereotype enforced by society) which is also why there are less deep male friendships and why anger issues are more prominent in males.

And part of it is lesbians being fetishised more then gay men.

5
katt-w:nb-lesbian: Non-Binary Lesbian•

It can certainly seem that way because lesbians are less likely to experience overt violence or rejection, but in reality we're not accepted-- we're fetishized, which is just other-ing in a different form. Not to mention all the men who are convinced they can change our minds... So, yeah, it's not really acceptance. It's qualified tolerance.

4
bloomdust:trans-pan: He/Him | Akoisexual Panromantic :progress:•

oH yOuR a LesBiAn??/? I cAn ChaNge tHAt fOr yOu ;))))))))))) /s

5
Pinata11OP:rainbow: Rainbow Rocks•

Well, look at it this way. The fetishization of lesbians leads to normalization if lesbians and therefore tolerance and acceptance. I’m not saying fetishization of lesbians is in any way correct, but it does lead to more accepting views.

0
katt-w:nb-lesbian: Non-Binary Lesbian•

First of all, that "acceptance" is only extended to the type of lesbian that is fetishized: cis, femme, young, and conventionally attractive. Lesbianism that isn't palatable to straight men is still out-and-out rejected.

Second, I'd argue that fetishization and normalization are diametrically opposed.

Frankly, all forms of other-ing are forms of social rejection. We ought to be banding together, not trying to argue who has it worse.

1
Pinata11OP:rainbow: Rainbow Rocks•

Frankly, I’d have to utterly disagree with your first point. ‘Lesbianism that isn’t palatable to straight men is still out-and-out rejected.’ I disagree. Lesbianism, in about any of its forms, is widely accepted (at least in the US), in younger groups (like HS). Also, the fetishization of lesbians leads to normalization, because it’s so deep in American culture that it normalizes lesbians, it normalizes the thought that lesbians could be about anywhere in our world, whereas this is not true for gay people, in about any regard.

1
Nerdy_Wierdo•

I think it's because men are more vocal about their opinions than women. Straight men probably think that the only thing hotter than a female would be two that want to fuck each other. A gay man is capable of having sexual or romantic interest in any man, in theory, which can make straight guys uncomfortable. A straight woman can have a similar thinking towards a lesbian but a straight woman is a lot less likely to tell anyone. Both are fetishized but women are typically sexualized more, making it easier to be okay with lesbians.

I would like to point out that I don't exactly agree with this thinking. I'm only trying to make sense of it.

3
Oh_God_Oh_Fuck_Bi Biiiiitch•

I have felt this but never bothered to mention it, I feel females have an easier time coming out (please do correct me if im wrong, I don’t mean to offend anyone )

2
Dean_Domino77•

I have thought the same thing. Even in media like Video games i have found that there are more instances of lesbian love rather than gay love.

1