Am I fucked up?

i really just want all of this off my chest and i’ve been laying in bed for literal hours trying to get to courage to do this.

first off- this is somewhat of a little compilation of fucked up sort of confessions. i don’t want to do multiple posted because i’m terrified.

second- i’m going from what i think is most fucked to least fucked.

once i had a wet dream of my uncle. yeah i know. fucked. granted, i never saw his face, but basically the dream was i was doing dishes and he just came up behind me and started grinding on me.

you should know: i’ve held a grudge against him for the last 6 years because he threatened to kill my dog. but i think this fucked up fantasy comes from the fact that i enjoy being dominated and he’s a very dominating person. he’s genuinely not my favorite person so you can imagine that when i woke up, i was a little freaked out.

and the other confession is that i want to get fucking wasted. like blackout drunk. i’ve never even been close to getting drunk, i’ve never even had vodka.

i’m honestly terrified to because my mom is super strict and would actually beat my ass if she even thought i had been intoxicated. and for some odd reason, i hate watching movie scenes where the actor is drunk. i also have an odd fight or flight response when any adult says anything related to alcohol. which is weird because i can say it no problem. and i can deal with a friend saying it though.

that’s it :)