I can't remember the last thing that made me smile or laugh

So, I just spend a large part of the day browsing Reddit or watching something on YouTube, yet nothing that I seem to view makes me feel anything at all and it's just hurtful to see myself be his way. All the memes and the videos seem to just be things I acknowledge and forget about whilst giving no reaction to them. Sometimes it gets better but it's been this way for 8 months now and that's the longest I've gone without it becoming even a little better. I can't even talk to my only actual friend about any of these things because I fear that she would get annoyed and done with me and would just leave me alone like everyone else has. Whenever she talks to me, it's the best part of my day and I don't want her to go away.