Source
r/askgaybros•
Raizense

Got ghosted by an online friend (over a year and a half) and it hurts me so bad

I'm a 23 yo middle Eastern , I cannot make friends with gay people IRL because if something goes wrong for any reason then my social life would be 100% over.

So I actually made a few online gay friends from Reddit and other apps over the past 2 years and that's my way of keeping myself sane.

I have this friend who's older than me, from a Muslim background ,and is married to a guy which was so awesome to me, we went from the app to Facebook (which means a lot because I'm opening up about my life) and no ,I'm not his type at all and he's monogamous but he was there for me when I was at my worst and we'd chat every now and then (once every month or 3 weeks because I don't want to be a burden on someone).

He'd send memes or vice versa or have a little nice chat but since May 2019 every time I texted him , he'd leave it on seen and never reply to it while he'd keep posting about stuff.

I texted him on multiple times stuff like "hey, happy birthday or hope you and your family enjoy Ramadan" but no answer.

I texted him - embarrassingly - yesterday a video about a film ,he saw it instantly and didn't respond.

Texted him "hey let me know how you're doing" , same thing.

It hurts me A LOT because I understand that I never said anything remotely bad about him ,and his last message was actually a funny video of him commenting on something.

So my question is:

Why do some of you guys ghost people without any clear reason?

Remember that even if you don't feel hurt by getting ghosted (after a long period of time) it's hurt others.

EDIT:

He finally replied to me when I texted him again stating that I'd be grateful if he replied.

He gave me a quick life update and that was it. Thanks guys for hearing me out...a lot of you were extremely supportive and cheered me up

Posted Apr 6, 2020, 7:21 AM UTC · edited

4515
Sovietsix•

I look at it like this: maybe something bad happened in his personal life. He could be dealing with depression, family issues or any number of things. He might consider you a friend, but perhaps not a close friend. Not someone that he would confide in or keep around when the going gets tough. Or...maybe he's just growing apart from you. Try not to take it personally. It's happened to me before. If he keeps up with the silent treatment, wish him the best and move on. Good luck.

18
FreakyFaun•

Did he block you or just not respond?

2
RaizenseOP•

It wouldn't be called ghosting if he blocked me. I can still see him posting and everything and he's still on my friends list

-4
FreakyFaun•

Usually if folks ghost you, its followed by a wall of blocks. Unless he's got his setting public or you can see him when when your on another account but not your primary ones. He might be busy, or may be taking a break to focus on those with him in person.

I've had to ghost people twice, and I've been ghosted about the same amount.

Once from a guy who kept act like he was my boyfreind- despite the fact I had one and was starting to get crazy when I'd focus on my partner rather than him. I know the guy was in a rough spot but I was not in a position to help him and he just wouldnt give me space.

The second time was an ex whom I had been on good terms with, but decided to send me nudes outta the blue. I wasnt sure how to respond so I didnt. Unfortunately my now husband saw them and reasonable got upset. Only time I was ever asked to block someone and will be the only time I'd do so by request.

When I got ghosted, it was a diffrent ex- my first boyfreind, but it was years after we split. We remained freinds for a long time. However after we had romantically ended the age range of the guys I dated kinda followed my age range. His did not. Dating a 16 year old at 18 isnt weird, but when your still dating 16 year old at 23, it started getting weird and other things just spiraled from there. Eventually he got tired of me pointing that stuff out, and got tired of me trying to help him. One day he stopped talking to me, and a while after that he just blocked me everywhere. It hurt, but it was his choice.

The other times I got ghosted were more political. I had two freinds who got caught up in conservative conspiracy theories, calling the mass shooting false flag events, or being flat out racist. I had no patience for that and told them off. They may have done me a favor by blocking me first.

6
RaizenseOP•

In my case , there's nothing from the above. I opened up to him about my life at the beginning and then we would text about NOTHING serious at all, it's be stuff like "hey, I hope you're having a good day" here's something to make you laugh and his last text was something similar until he decided on not replying at all.

I'm absolutely sure that I didn't do anything remotely wrong. I'm just wondering about the reason , I guess I'll straight out ask him tonight about why he wouldn't reply to me. (I'm going to embarrass myself but I want disclosure)

1
FreakyFaun•

I hope it's nothing major. I've had a few instances where my penpal went dark for a few weeks, not ghost but was kinda being neglectful as a freind. They'd be online, but not respond to me. A week or so, whatever. A month was abnormal. Eventually I had to ask 'what the fuck dude?', and he'd finally respond. He was going through a depressive bout and didnt feel like being social. When he realized he was being rude he apologized and explained what was up. He wasnt mad at me, nor had I specifically done anything, he was just needing space for him to get over his mood.

Hopefully it's something simple like that. That's the sucky thing about online friendships, especially if they are the type you look forward to talking to regularly.

5
MikaelSvensson•

I’ve been there too, and it sucks. It’s hard when you meet people at your most vulnerable moment, open up to them just for them to ignore you after a while.

It has taught me to be more wary of opening up to others and keep things to myself until I can really trust them. Might not be the healthiest approach but I’m tired of being let down. 🤷🏻‍♂️

2
igivegoodparent88•

Ok I could wrong here but I remember seeing a gay short about something similiar to this and the guy like you was talking too another man in a relationship even though he didnt know it at the time and in the end when the other guy started to catch feeling he ghosted him and left without a trace so maybe that's happening here even though you still are feeling only love for him in a friendly way maybe he caught feelings and feels guilty to his partner so he ghosted you???

1
RaizenseOP•

Oh no no no. He is into bears , I'm just a little bit overweight/dad bod or whatever. He's in his mid 30s and I guess he's happy with his husband.

Just like I said , I never get anything super personal from him and we have a very small chat every now and then.

Now it's been over 9 months of him not replying at all , maybe he would give a reaction on a message or something.

Anyway , I just went all out and explained that I'm curious about what's going on with a (hopefully you give me an answer this time) at the end.

Embarrassing af but I'd rather get an answer rather than feel like shit for no reason.

3
DNGRDINGO•

Not really embrassing, if he has formed this friendship you deserve to know why he is leaving it. It's good you've finally just asked why he won't reply.

1
igivegoodparent88•

Hmm then yea I have no idea what the hell he is thinking then or why guys do that well sorry it happened to you

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
4laza•

I am always on other side - I’m the one who ghost. My usual case was that it gets very boring overtime. It’s almost like a distant relationships but with no future. It’s interesting at the first time, but then it takes a lot of energy and drains you off. I didn’t have courage to say that loud as I didn’t want to hurt my ex online friend.

Also, other online friend started to demand photos. Not ask, but actually making me do photos for him and got very passive aggressive if I didn’t send him pics he wanted. I got tired of that either.

In both cases I didn’t want to spend time explaining this as they might start to apologizing and claiming that’s not going to happen. We would have a good week and then it all starts over.

0
RaizenseOP•

Let's not talk about the second case because there's a valid reason for that. But if the guy was generally nice, why would you straight up ghost him when you can give small replies every now and then .. or tell him about whatever is going on instead of leaving him on "seen" which would make him wonder if he did something wrong.

I guess ghosting is not very kind.

1