A space where only you and I reside _good_sex
I like to enter a space where only you and I reside.
Connected as one in the darkness of your room
Your dark waves pulsating through my body.
I’ve taken you to this other place
and I’ve orchestrated every step.
Reaching through your body with my searing form
and my deathly rhythm
I have melted your insides and
molded them with my own.
Now two bodies act as one
with your approval and under my control.
You go deeper and deeper into the act
into the space
as I listen
and pull the strings that connect us.
Your dark waves crash and glisten
in ultimate spectacle
and spectacular show.
Your audience of one
transfixed,
transported to the space
as you perform
this non-performance.
Every touch
every movement
together as one.
The strings for the puppet.
The puppet for the show.
No praise or acclaim for the strings.
Only your invitation to this sacred space
where we breathe as One and
your breaking waves spill upon my body –
all at my heavenly
Command.
Posted Apr 8, 2020, 7:46 PM UTC · edited
I really enjoyed this poem. I love that it’s from a male perspective and that it’s entirely focused on the woman’s pleasure.
I feel there are some contradictory themes. On one hand, you repeat the phrase “as one” a few times and you back that up here and there with melding yourselves together, breathing as one, etc. However most of the poem is about your control over her, the pleasure that you’re creating, the “act” that she seems to be “performing/non-performing” alone. You’re a spectator to her “spectacular show” and very removed from the pleasure that she’s experiencing. If you’re trying to focus on the “oneness” of sex I would expect to see your own pleasure expressed in tandem with hers.
As it is, the repetitive nature of the “as one” phrase doesn’t really jive with the rest of what you’re saying. Even the phrase “No praise or acclaim for the strings” suggests that the pleasure was one-sided and deserves praise. Your “heavenly command” is a fairly conceited statement, as if this wasn’t a heavenly act between two people but a gift from you to her.
Also, just to note, I found the phrases “searing form” and “deathly rhythm” to be a bit aggressive in contrast to the tranquility of the rest of the poem. Though I do likely that “heavenly” later ties in with “deathly.”
Those are my thoughts, great poem!
Thanks for your lengthy reply. I appreciate your comments on the possible inconsistencies. The intent of this poem is to be a little larger than life with my providing her pleasure. Certainly conceited. Although we were one, I was the one in control. The strings are connected (I.e., one) with the puppet. Kind of like I control and consume her totally for the sake of her own pleasure. My pleasure is derived from that and not in the normal experience of making love.