alcoholism - teenage story [FEEDBACK REQUEST]

This poem was beautiful! I know you mentioned that you want to publish this in a book about adolescent experience, so I don't know if you are a young person yourself, but you have so much talent based on reading this poem :) I am 18 and about to graduate, and I think you would make a wonderful poet.

So, I want to start off by discussing your intent. I think the intent of the piece was to show how alcoholism can lead a young person down a dangerous path, especially when they surround themselves with people who indulge in drinking as well.

Your speaker is more of a narrator. They are not particularly affected by alcoholism themselves, but they tell the narrative of a young man who does. However, the speaker seems to show a sort of sympathy and concern over the young man.

The moods of this poem are worry, concern, hopelessness, and a sort of anticipation.

I think you have plenty of things that are working in this piece. Everything is very clear, and I don't really have much questions as to what the piece is trying to communicate to its readers. I also think the structure/form of the piece is very good. The stanza breaks really help make the progression of your ideas flow very well! I especially love the first two stanzas, they have beautiful details and immediately capture my interest.

Moving forward, I think that you could do more with the stanzas you have. In stanza 2, you write: "which eased the weight of his mind", I think that it is suggesting why this person is deciding to drink. I think it is important to expand on that idea - what triggered him to go down this road? Why is it that drinking seems to be something that temporarily helps him? I also feel like the narrative goes a bit fast. Spend time with the images in the stanza and let the story progress and unfold, I feel like taking time to really flesh out the images will really add to the emotional impact.

I loved this piece and I wish you great luck in publishing! Please let me know when it comes out, I'd be happy to purchase and read it :) I especially connect with poems like these, as I was a bystander of someone important in my life who was also drinking himself away.

[removed]

Very nice. Like the last rhyme especially.. goodluck to you ^^

I’m 17 and personally have seen drug addiction and alcoholism affect many of my peers. It’s an issue that never seems to be fully addressed or given the recognition it needs, so I thank you for bringing this up.

To me the poem comes across as very distant and uncomfortable, which fits the subject matter perfectly. Almost as if watching this deterioration occur through thick pale glass, an inability to do anything except observe until you’re faced with the grief of it all.

The progress of the stanzas also incorporates very well into the theme; starting off as youthful and fun, progressing towards a sense of calmness and comfort which very quickly crosses the line, mutating into a beast that quickly takes over and consumes.

The final stanza hits like a final punch to the gut. The beast has finally taken total control, it has found a pack of identical creatures who feed off of each other to thrive.

Overall, I very much enjoyed this poem and I hope you continue on with poetry. I’d love to get my hands on your book when it comes out. Once again I want to thank you for bringing this issue up, addiction can and does take control of anyone of any age and teens are quite susceptible in our modern age.