Not really sure what to do. A part 2 to my initial problems?

Disclaimer: my apologies i'm incredibly manic right now. I don't want to bother my friends, family, and therapist.

I made this thread a couple of weeks ago. I felt a lot better. I guess I'm trying for part 2, because shit is ruining me from the inside.

The same issues are still occurring little by little. I'm doing a little better, but today I guess I felt the need to see if these people turn up on my searches on LinkedIn. I'm not even sure why I did this, knowing that I could potentially feel awful. Suddenly, a stream of anxiety has been flowing over me since. I wrote down my anxiety patterns in my journal. I just fucking hate feeling this way.

I do see a therapist regularly, and she told me I should be focusing more so on how far I've come vs how I started. I just don't know why my intrusive thoughts tend to be super overwhelming. I also don't understand why I beat myself up heavily over small shit like seeing someone's name on a profile that I didn't click on?

Coupled with the pandemic, the loss of my job, and not really being in the best place mentally all of these years, it's incredibly easy for me to hyper-focus on irrelevant shit. I just want to be over all of these past friendships, and hopefully re-integrate with society socially (aka maybe one day have social media and not feel the need to lose my mind every time a person I recognize from my past passes by). It's been 3 years, and I have not been normal since all of this stuff started going down.

I can be okay one day, hell, even have a good day the next day, but then for the next couple of days be feeling absolutely terrible. When this pandemic is over, I already planned on seeing a psychiatrist so I can hopefully get on anti-depressants/meds to help with my intrusive thoughts?

Why won't any of these thoughts leave me alone? I know I'm not the most confident, but I'm really trying to work on all of this. Especially with my therapist. A lot of my intrusive thoughts tend to be "contact them" or "what would happen if X" and above all I just don't want anything to do with these people and I just want to move forward with my life. I've even had my phone off for a couple of days because I'm scared that I'll do something fucking dumb all together. I just can't help but self isolate when all of this happens.

I'm 28. Since I've graduated college 4 years ago, it feels like nothing has gone right. I'm jobless (got laid off during pandemic, idk what I even want to do with my life anymore), still live at home (which I'm thankful for, but it has its own issues pertaining to my mental health), single, and have gained a myriad of mental health issues (insurance went away with my job + i stupidly put off seeing a psychiatrist before the pandemic). I'm basically always depressed, and my anxiety has basically been on full tilt since I graduated, and only goes away from time to time. I'm trying not to be a victim all the time. I really am trying. I just want to be better, but I don't even know if I'm making progress.

Is there anything I can possibly do in the meantime for these intrusive thoughts? I've heard of stuff like white chestnut oil and Valerian root. I don't know if anyone has experience.