I (20F) misinformed my girlfriend (20F) about how to lose weight and I want to make it up to her

I think she’s feeling really defeated because she made a lifestyle change (working out) and she’s getting an undesirable outcome (gaining weight).

she can still snack, but low-calorie foods like apples or whatever, and lose weight.

I would just send her a heartfelt apology (even while this is not your fault and you shouldn’t own any blame), only because she is in a really low place right now. you could just explain you were trying to help and reassure her you love the way she looks and support anything she aims to do.

Working out doesnt really make you lose weight, it changes how you look.

Eating less then your bodies needs, whats called a callorie deficient makes you lose weight.

Combine both and mix in disipline, and you'll get great results.

Also, dont over do both either, it takes alot of time to get fat, so expect it to take alot of time to lose it.

And working out is a skill, which need to be learned and mastered, find a professional to get her the right help.

This is a tough one to make up for.

Personally, I would prefer it if the person owned up, explained that they’ve learned from their mistake, and explained what they’ll do differently.

Dietician, weight training, and nutritionists have their fields because all of it is way more complicated then, “This works for me. You try it.” People have different body compositions an different needs.

Some people don’t need to diet and only need to work out and lose weight or gain muscle.

Others can eat well, barely work out, and gain muscle.

Honestly, I could keep going on like that.

Just be honest with her: you won’t give her advice on dieting or working out because you’ve since learned you don’t know how to help her.

I hope she forgives you because this was an honest mistake and you obviously feel terribly about this.

Best luck to her with her with weight loss.

Hi, I don't think this is a huge fuck up on your part, yes you gave her some poor advice but at the end of the day she is the one who wants to lose weight so she should have done her research better. Also I don't think she truly blames you or think you lied, it'll likely more be that she feels shit because of other things you mentioned plus the horrible mental turmoil that hating your body can put someone in, so she's lashing out at the nearest person. Moving forward, keep telling her you love her body the way it is and always have done, and if she seriously wants to lose weight she needs to first calculate how many calories she should be eating in a day with a sedentary lifestyle (there are tons of good scientific ones online) stick to that, and then add exercise on top but she should track her inch measurements as well as her weight because especially in women our weight can shoot up and down all the time based on water retention etc so it isn't always the best indicator of how her plan is going.

You didnt lie, you just gave some bad advice. It happens. People give bad advice all the time. Make it up to her by giving her GREAT advice now.

Work out + eat better is the way to do it but it's not nearly specific enough and doesnt place emphasis on the right thing. That's all you need to know because you've always had a good relationship with food - she however does not, so the advice is kind of like telling someone who's bad with money to "control your spending and invest" to get out of debt

What a stunning number of people dont know is that working out has ALMOST NO effect on your weight. Your health, absolutely, and it's an effective tool to quicken weight loss. But the #1 thing that drives weight loss is "eat fewer calories than you burn". Spme people have lost over a hundred pounds without ever exercising by doing just that.

Look up the app My Fitness Pal and learn how to use it. Then teach her how to use it. You enter everything you eat - no exceptions - and it counts the stories for you. It calculates how much to eat for healthy weight loss so you think of it as a daily budget of calories. Stay under that budget line, weight loss is guaranteed.

Just remember she has to log everything. I.E. if she makes a sandwich, log the condiments too. If she makes stir fry, include any oils or butter used. People lose a lot of calories here and end up thinking they "cant" lose weight. So I would recommend she go to zero calorie drinks, meaning make water her #1 go to drink. Drinking calories is bad because it adds to your count but it will not make you feel full at all.

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maybe its the way you presented her sports and how to lose weight, she probably got the wrong idea and thought that some activity would fix her right up. most unfit people overestimate exercise effectiveness. tell her that losing weight is a simple as calories in vs calories out and that -300 calories during a workout doesnt compensate for eating 400 calories in snacks. when it comes to weight its all about nutrition and after accepting that, its really easy to lose and gain weight. tell her to get an app like EasyFit or sth similar and track EVERYTHING she eats. with a little self control she can probably lose over a pound per week no problem.

Dieting is everything. how could you? this is disastrous! You monster!!! ....Jk its alright to snack buddy but just replace her regular snacking with low calorie snack like celery or salads. I’ve started doing this with my wife and it’s doing wonder also replacing sodas with ginger and citrus infused water was a big component of our weigh loss journey.i wish you the best of luck to you and your girlfriend buddy

First thing. Don't look at weight in the beginning, your body lose water and fat and replacing it with muscles, so it's normal that weight can be little stagnant in the beginning.

Secondly. Drink lot of water (2-3 liters is fine), and snacking is healthy (5/6 foods per day is optimal), but watch how much you are eating.

Maybe you should look into the book „how not to diet“ to avoid misinformation in the future

Do or do not. There is no try

You didn't misinform her.

The ONLY way to lose weight and get fitter is to eat better food, in smaller amounts, feel a bit hungry sometimes and NOT snack, and to exercise a lot.

She "cheated" by snacking, got defeated and didn't work out enough and is now blaming you to avoid self responsibility.

She needs some therapy and a fitness coach, you need to consider she will break up with you as you are a reminder of her failures.

Good luck.

Personally I would move along and get a better partner, this one sounds like she will do no self improvement, but moan constantly about her health and size.

OP i cant get over the amount of misinformation in the comments so i decided to comment myself to attempt to help you out. To lose weight you simply have to be in a caloric deficit which can be done at start either by eating less OR working out. You dont need to do both you can just eat less or work out and eat as much as before making sure you dont eat more than before. When you first start losing weight the first thing that goes is the water weight which might encourage you but its not the progress you are looking for. It might seem like you lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks or similar weight but its mostly the water. After that losing weight slows down drastically maybe down to 1lb per week and this is where the fat goes. Dont get me wrong first weeks you lose fat too but also the water that makes a difference on the weight scale and afterwards you get discouraged because you think you are doing something wrong now and then you give up when actually you were doing fine. If you are losing 1lb or .5 lb per week thats fantastic keep doing it, if it was easy everyone would do it. Dont feel guilty for snacking with her and also dont feel special as if you are some genetic freak and she got the short end of the stick. If you snack with her and eat the exact same amount of food as her in total daily then she cant gain more weight than you. If she does she ate more. Now if there is a height difference it should be understandable that you wont look as skinny at the same weight. There is no such thing as chubby people getting fat easier than skinny people or having superior metabolism. While there are differences in metabolism they arent that significant. Simplest way to lose weight is to eat less calories. Eating good wont affect her ability to lose weight. If its 1500 kcals of salad daily or 1500 kcals of pizza and mcdonalds daily you will still lose weight. Dont get under the impression that eating that one burger or that one chocolate is the difference because its junk; its the difference because its caloric surplus. However you should still go for homecooked foods that are also high in protein so you lose less muscle.

The only way to lose weight is to eat less.

But unfortunately the BS to “exercise and eat a healthy diet” is constantly parroted. You won’t lose weight on a healthy diet, you need a deficit or to do some kind of intermittent fasting regime (which usually ends up with a deficit) or to do very strict Keto.

Exercise is great for overall health, no doubt, but it’s shit for weight loss. Particularly women in my experience. We simply don’t add muscle so easily and the fat is much more stubborn.

You seem very sorry and want to make amends so lean into that. You wanted to help, got a little overzealous, and passed on some misinformation. That's a pretty normal human mistake. Express to her how genuinely horrified you were when you discovered that you had misinformed her.

As for moving forward, focus on how you can make adjustments to your shared lives to help her. Maybe you can take over meals for a while and treat her to tasty balanced meals. Women generally love a man who can cook and who cares enough to feed her. But above all, resist any temptation to be an enforcer. You are her boyfriend, not her personal trainer, and trying to be that will only breed resentment. Support her and triple check your info in the future, things should work out on the emotional side.

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