Need some help with my situation. (And how I got there.)

Okay so my story is a bit complicated. Basically, once I became a Christian I was pretty spotless at quitting porn. For a while I was still masturbating, but eventually I decided to quit that as well. When I did that things went well for a long time. I barely even thought much of it. Until a thought came into my head at one point. It was a bout a fetish I had before I was a Christian. It was something that potentially could be on YouTube. The curiosity kept eating at me whenever it came to my mind, until I gave in and saw if there was anything on it. Of course I found out there was.

This became my first full PMO relapse since I quit masturbating. I felt great shame, promised myself not to do it again, and two more weeks passed by. Things were fine, then eventually the curiosity came back. It became really hard for me, because every time I gave in it was like I went into a trance like state. I knew what I was looking at was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself. Not only that, but part of me was going through the whole "fear of missing out" thing. Since this was never a thing I thought to look up before I was a Christian, it kind of ate me up inside wondering to what extent it goes.

It became so bad one time that I couldn't even fight searching it until I got home. I was two houses away from home and I couldn't keep myself from my desire to watch these videos. I tried saying to myself "okay I'll search it just to see and then take a cold shower to stop myself". Which worked for maybe five minutes if that. This stuff really began to spiral as my brain kept figuring out more and more ways to search. I even started searching for this kind of content on Google Images and Reddit. It's like Satan took advantage of the fact that this didn't have any nudity and used that 1% doubt that this might not be sinful and used it to destroy me (for those times.).

Eventually enough became enough. I decided I needed to fast from Reddit, and YouTube. Being aware of the fact that I can slip and just redownload it, I said to myself that when I go back to sanity that I have to push the date that I return to these things back further afterwards. This actually worked... kind of. Giving my sane side a consequence for what my insane side did actually stopped me from desiring to search. I have not full on PMOd in a month.

The only problem is this. I have relapsed with MO. This is because there are specific things from the stuff I searched a month ago that burn in my head when I'm at my weakest. Just like I said in a previous post, especially when I'm anxious. I end up getting in these phases where my desire to fight it weakens. I will think of it, dopamine will rush through my head. As I try to fight relapsing, my brain ends up becoming convinced that I'm going to fail, and slowly but surely I give up and relapse.

What makes it harder is this: it takes me only a few seconds to relapse. I don't even get to the point where I'm touching myself. I get so worked up about this that it kind of is able to "happen" with a minimal effort on my part. Enough effort for me to consider it MO, but not enough where I have a whole lot of time to stop and come to my senses.

So if there's any advice on what I can do, or even some thoughts on what the heck was wrong with me in the beginning of my story I'd much appreciate it. If I was unclear at any point in my story I am willing to clarify what I meant.