I’ve had this strange sense of being just... almost being overwhelmed by life lately, and I just want to know I’m not alone I guess?

I’m 19 years old. Despite a couple major hurdles in life such as the passing of my father at age 10, and my mom being mildly disabled my whole life due to permanent brain damage caused by a coma induced by lithium (bipolar med) toxicity when I was 3, and a past mistake or two that weigh on me that I’m too ashamed to admit, I’ve been pretty fortunate my whole life. Never in need, get a lot I want. Loving family members. Gifted with seemingly a level of talent and emotional intelligence that I wonder why I have and some don’t (not to in any way say I’m better than anyone else for that cause I don’t feel that’s the case, honestly). I’m an over thinker though... and despite all of this, I just gotta ask. Does anybody else just, get so inside their head, about everything, that It feels like such a roadblock. I know I’m capable of great things in life if I put my mind to it... but instead I spend so much time in my head, thinking, becoming overwhelmed. As a result becoming lazy, shy, detached from my life and the people I love in many ways. Becoming extremely self conscious, not being myself. I don’t know why I’m like this. Last summer I found new age spirituality. Say what you will about it, but it felt like it gave my life new meaning... but with that, also came more and more thoughts... that were deeper and more existential in nature. Now I also deal with the constant worry of whether to “take the red pill or the blue pill” so to speak when it comes to this stuff. Like do I want to have a spiritual awakening, which could be the most liberating and empowering thing I could ever do in this life... would it be wrong to not and live a mundane life as to avoid any of the anxiety and deep thoughts or even depression that come with a spiritual awakening. Could I be okay with that? But hey I want go on and on there because I know not many are into that or understand it well. But, I guess I just feel this growing sense of loneliness lately, feeling as though I’m the only one who experiences this. The only one who overthinks everything in and of existence. Why am I here? What is any of this? Am I doing things wrong? What’s going to happen when I die? Will it be something bad? How much pain am I inevitably going to face in my lifetime or in another if any form of afterlife or reincarnation is real? But hey, these are just the extremes I guess. Surprisingly, despite all these worries, I’m hardly depressed or anxious. I just worry that if I keep thinking so deeply or at the very least, thinking that deep without the right mindset, that I’m going to cave at some point and lose my mind. But again, this is all like extremes and worse case scenarios. And being spiritual and as emotionally intelligent as I truthfully believe I am. I can usually find solace in realizing that probably everybody feels this way to a degree and overthinks some things. That all this suffering is for a purpose, or at the very least is just caused by me overthinking and I need to learn to just take a chill pill and let go. I guess ultimately, whether something spiritual exists or not. We all don’t know WHAT THE FUCK is going on haha. And all you can really do is just do your best, love one another, and leave some sort of lasting impact, big or small :) but man is life strange, and awfully hard no matter who you are... unless there’s people that literally just don’t relate to any of this whatsoever then well... fuck man Idk lol