My FP decided to methodically destroy me

I've been with my GF/FP for quite some time until now, and back then, when we just got together, I told her about my bpd, explained the specifics, the triggers, my coping mechanisms - basically everything. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that she was someone I could finally trust, someone who would finally understand and someone who would actually care for the TRUE me and not the personality I've been keeping up for my social circle. She always made it seem this way, she made me believe in all that. And then it all turned out to be a complete fucking lie.

After the quarantine began, she was forced to move back to her hometown not far from the city we both go to Uni in. I knew a distanced relationship would be hard, but I promised my stupid self that I wouldn't fuck it up this time. Time went on and I've tried my very best. I was always there for her, I was always trying to be positive and cheer her up. I've learned to calm myself down, to combat the splitting, the uncontrollable doubt, the anger issues - all this just to make our relationship a happy one for her, so I could be happy with her. I did all I could, but she began to drift away, she started disappearing for days, lashing out at my words and overall became much colder. But I kept telling myself "It's alright. All this situation Is hard for her, she isn't a stable person herself, it'll all go back to normal if I just hold on and be supportive and kind"

Two days ago, she came her for a doctor's appointment and to get her clothes from the now-closed dorms. Of course, I came to meet her at the station. I was so happy. I kept thinking that everything will be good again. That we will be happy again. That all my struggle that burned me out by now would pay off in happiness. But no. Absolutely fucking not.

As we were walking we stopped to rest in a park and she told me she wanted to talk about our relationship. She PULLS OUT A LIST of things she wants to tell me. That list was a fucking nuke. She knew me well and she knew how to hurt me. And that list was made just for that cause. She went point to point, touching on my every insecurity, every traumatic point and every hurtful thing she could. How I "can't really decide who I am", how I "hurt people because who I am" and so on and so on. I can't bring up this list without breaking down even right now. Everything was there, my stories, my family, my deeds and mistakes, my most sacres thoughts and doubts that I trusted her with. All twisted and distorted to break me. This whole fucking "coming to visit" thing was planned. This list was methodically written down. She wanted me to come happily to her and wanted to watch me take in all this.

I couldn't take it, I went home and just laid down and cried. I coundn't fucking stop. I know I am pathetic and weak, but I just couldn't take it. I was just laying in my room for two days now, I finally made myself get up a couple hours ago. I'm completely lost. I don't know what am i supposed to do now. How the fuck do I go on. Now and since that day I feel like I am a giant fucking bruise. My whole body is aching and I can't stop shaking. I don't understand what is going on. I don't understand what did I do to deserve this.