Just wanted to get this out..

Trigger Warning (suicide)

Last night idk I was just feeling really bad and I wanted everything to end and be over with. I felt useless and like a burden and my self-hate was just really overwhelming, so... I took out the rope that I had made a while ago and put it around my head and I was ready to just do it. I was ready to die. Except I couldn't do it. I almost just let my body go and give up but the moment I did, I panicked and couldn't go through with it. It was partial suspension btw so it's not super hard to start and then change your mind and stand back up. When I took the rope off I just felt so disappointed in myself for wasting yet another chance to just be done with my life, but I just couldn't. I don't know what to do anymore.

I know I'm pretty young and have many more years to fix my life but it just hurts so much I can't anymore. I thought I already gave up so why am I still scared of death? I hate this. I wish I succeeded last night. I wish I wouldn't have to live anymore. I'm not quite sure why I'm posting this tbh. Maybe I really am the attention seeker people call me. I don't know anymore. I'm tired.