This is exhausting and I'm going to rant.

I can not express in words, or in any other way, how absolutely exhausting this disorder is. I'm so tired, I'm so scared. I've developed an issue where I can't breathe when I lay down (triggers what I can only describe as a bad asthma attack), I've had doctors suggest covid, heart failure, or GERD. Waiting on covid results but I doubt it's positive, doctor said oxygen saturation and blood pressure are good so unlikely heart failure, it's most likely stomach acid getting into my lungs and because of this I have to sleep in a chair. I'm so drained, physically and emotionally. I'm going on a decade now of this shit. I've lost so much because of it and if it continues I'm going to lose my life as well. I want to be able to lay down and not feel like I'm drowning. I want to be able to have dinner and not have it sitting in my stomach in the morning. I want my period back. I want to start a family late this year or early next year but at this point I don't even know if it's physically possible. I want a life outside of this. I want my husband to not have to carry around the constant worry for my health. But no. Because I need to be thin. I'm tired. I'm just tired.