Officially 60+ hours without nicotine.

Day 1 was spontaneous and surprisingly easy, I woke up craving the last few hits out of my last juul pod and I fully intended to buy another package of pods that day, but then I stopped and laid there in bed and thought about the damage I’ve done to my lungs and heart and blood vessels just to satisfy a craving that I never needed or wanted to satisfy until I gave in to the addiction to begin with. I felt like an absolute idiot and I decided to quit right then.

I remembered that I didn’t always have trouble walking up a flight of stairs before I started smoking and vaping; I never used to have random coughing fits whenever I took a deep breath; I didn’t always need to clear my throat and hack up mucus constantly just to be able to breathe with whatever reduced lung function and capacity I still have left. It just hit me finally, I could choose to keep doing this and die young,or I could pay attention to my body and take care of myself.

Day 1 was nothing, I had all my discipline and self control ready to go and I crushed day 1 before I knew it.

Day 2 was tougher, I had no less than a dozen moments in which I came very close to buying some more pods or even buying a pack of cigarettes. For some reason, I’m craving cigarettes about as much as my vape. During one particularly nasty nic-fit, I envisioned myself smoking a nice cigarette, maybe even two, and just enjoying the nicotine rush that I would surely get because I hadn’t ingested or absorbed nicotine for nearly 48 hours at that point. All the same, I powered through it. I need to quit this time, it’s like I can feel it in my soul; if I don’t do this for myself now, then I’ll never be able to get the other pieces of myself where they need to be for me to move forward.

Day 3 is a repeat of day 2 so far, but it has been a little more manageable because I can already feel the health benefits of making it this far into quitting. I don’t feel nearly as overstimulated and hyperactive as before, probably because I’m not constantly dosing myself with nicotine anymore. My circulation feels different and better. Like it’s less of a struggle for my body to get blood pumping everywhere, I can sit and relax after going for a short walk and not look and feel like I’ve just run a marathon. This is the longest I’ve gone without slip ups or a full relapse since I’ve been addicted.

A lot of people say that days 3 or 4 are the worst days and once you get past day 5, it’s all about staying vigilant and unlearning your nicotine habits. So I’m bracing myself for tomorrow. Just reminding myself that I need to get my health under control if I want to actually live my life and that quitting nicotine is my first step.

It’s amazing to be able to breathe and have actual physical energy again. I had no idea how much more effort my body needed to use just to exist while I was smoking and vaping. I feel like I’ve gone from laying on my deathbed to making a recovery in less than 72 hours. I can’t let myself go back to doing that shit and I won’t let it happen. Accidents may happen, but I think I’ve had enough quitting accidents to learn a few lessons on how to really make this attempt count.

Edit: On day 4 now. By my estimate, I am around 86 hours without nicotine, but who’s counting? The cravings have become less intense, but more frequent. Today was less of a day where I had to fight off strong cravings periodically and more of a day where I have to endure a single constant craving for half the day.

I made my monthly grocery run today. I was constantly tense in my back and neck for the whole 3 hours, I have severe anxiety and being out and about makes me tense to begin with, I actually used smoking and vaping as a way to distract myself in public and as an excuse to escape from uncomfortable situations. All the same, I only had the occasional, mild yearning for a quick puff from a juul or a cigarette in the sun.

It was when we were just about done shopping and we were going through a drive through and I smelled another person’s cigarette that I had any real trouble with cravings today. I just wanted one so bad, I kept my composure and didn’t let myself have any nicotine today, but if I had been in the car with that person I 100% would have bummed a smoke from them. I wouldn’t have bummed one, who am I kidding? I would’ve enthusiastically offered them a dollar for one of their cigarettes.

Still thinking about it now, I was going to hang out with my brother tonight, but he’ll definitely offer me a smoke and I’ll definitely take it. Oh well, no brother tonight. Social distancing and all that.