I’m moving out of my parents house after years of physical mental and emotional abuse. I’m dreading the backlash I’ll receive from my parents and family.

Im 20 y/o I am a girl and I am planning to move out as soon as possible. After many arguments and years of emotional abuse I have decided that it is truly time to do something for myself and focus on my own mental health by leaving my home. I plan to leave and change my phone number to limit contact. I have found an affordable home that I could move into but I’m not sure where to start. I have never bought a house or seen the process of moving.

I’m mostly dreading the backlash that I will receive from my parents and family. My mom is very manipulative and easily convinced people that I am the one to blame for many things that occur. She knows how to play nice and act as the victim. I am worried that she will talk to my family member (aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings) and make it seem as though I am simply running away to rebel against them. They have done this before by saying I am going against them and simply trying to undermine their authority.

I am tired of getting treated as though I am 13 years old. I have to be home by 9:30 every night if I am allowed to go out. I cannot go out more than a few times a week. If I do I get talked to, as they say these days, like I “belong to the streets”. I have to ask permission any time I leave the house even if it’s to run a quick errand. And yes I understand that parents worry and want to know where their kid is and where they are going. But this surpasses that. If they find out that I left even to go grab something quickly at the store I get in trouble and cannot go out and am made fun of and yelled at for the littlest things for the next days. I am told that I am undermining their authority.

I am tired of always being seen as a “rebel” and like a bad child because I try to do everything to make everyone else happy.

From a young age I have been treated like the outcast. As far back as I can remember I never felt loved by my parents especially my mother. I would cry because I felt unloved and unwanted. I would tell my mom how I felt and instead of receiving kind words and a hug I’d be told to shut up and be threatened to be hit. Sometimes I would even be hit. My mom would lock me in a room if I did something wrong and I would be hit and spanked for minor mistakes that children make. I wold be kicked and hit with a bat, hairbrush, anything within reach.

When I grew up I began to speak up for myself because no one else would. I would constantly get into arguments with my mom which would result in being hit and yelled at without being listened to. I wanted to be heard. I wanted her to hear my reasons and wanted her to hear how I felt and what I felt she was doing wrong. She would even sometimes have conversations where she would tell my siblings and I to tell her things we feel she does wrong. But I would tell her she doesn’t listen. All she would ever say is that she does and will listen... she never did.

I am really not sure where her anger towards me comes from or why this all started. Especially when I was a child. There was a time that she got so mad at me around the age of 10/11 that she told me she was no longer my mother and that I would have to ask for that place back. She neglected me and ignored me for days. My household was strict so we would have to ask to eat or use the bathroom. When I’d ask to eat I’d be ignored and have to resort to just sneaking the food myself while I got flares from her. Finally one day I could no longer take it after receiving Ann award alongside my sibling. He was praised, kissed and hugged. While I was ignored. I had to beg my mom to be my mother again and all she could say was okay. Yes this is real and typing this all out, I myself am in disbelief.

When I got a little older around the age of 13/14/15 I would still continue getting into trouble but I tried to stay low key and not cause any trouble. I would try to tip toe around my parents and it was like walking on eggshells to not get yelled at. It seemed as though no matter how hard I tried to not get in trouble or grounded, the more my mom would look for reasons to ground me and yell at me. Examples,

Around age 15-16 I wold get in trouble for slight inconveniences. If I would tell my mom that she was being rude to me and I didn’t like it I would get my iPod taken away. (I had no phone because they were strict and did not want me to have one) which leads me to another example. If I could not get ahold of a cell phone to call my parents about staying after school for a club or calling them multiple times while hanging out with friends I would be yelled at and again grounded. iPod would get taken away and I could not go out for a week to two weeks. Next which I find the most bizarre and a show of how extreme my mom is/was is, I had the job of cleaning up the dishes and cleaning my room. Of course like all people have chores. But, the difference for me was if I would wash the dishes I would think “yes I’m done :)” and someone would come along and put one in (each person is normally in charge of washing their own dish/utensil) if my mom came home and saw that one or two things in the sink I would get yelled at and grounded. I would tel her I washed the dishes and it is not mine. I would still get yelled at and told I have to wash it. So of course I’d say “okay I’ll go wash it” but that was not enough. I would still get grounded from leaving the house or using any devices.

I became extremely depressed and did not want to go out or see my friends. All I would do is sleep all day and my grades began to suffer. From straight A’s to D’s and F’s. No body did anything. My mom did not care or even notice. She still found ways to ground me even though I did not go out and no longer had a social life.

Fast forward and I started dating someone new. I was 17. I was allowed to go out and my almost non existent curfew from before was now 8 o’clock. Instead of gaining freedom as I’ve become older it seems as though I am being kept inside. I know parents dread the day their children will grow up and leave but it is not okay to limit their freedom and try to keep them forever. I slowly was able to increase the curfew over the years but now at 20 years old I still cannot be out past 9:30 or even go anywhere more than 30 minutes away from home. I still get yelled at for minor inconveniences and seem to be treated as the slave rather than a daughter. I am told to do most things around the house while my older and younger sibling can sit and play video games and phone games all day They are not required to keep clean rooms or wash their dishes or help out around the house. My sibling has the job now to sweep and wash dishes and clean while everyone is working. I use to get grounded for not completing all tasks while now my sibling does nothing that is asked and does not get in trouble at all. I am yelled at if I am not organized and am yelled at if the dishes are not clean(even if they are not mine and it is now my younger siblings job to do dishes) and am yelled at if there is no food prepared despite if I’m sick or was working. Which leads me to another point. When I am sick and another sibling is sick. I am ignored and my sibling is attended to and asked if they are feeling okay even if I am more sick. I know I can take care of myself but my sibling is 17 and still taken care of while I am completely ignored not even asked if I am feeling okay or feeling better.

There is still so much more but this has already been so long. :/

Does anyone have anything similar happening to them or is it just me? I am not good at speaking out so I’m sorry if it’s all over the place.

I truly do not think this environment is good for me and I think it is time to leave. I am just worried about the moving process and how my mother will react and how she will spread the truth to family members. Does anyone have any advice for me?