Wither

[removed]

I like how you explain the vulnerability a man must feel. what I liked in particular was : "My mind an appetite" that's really what ones mind is isn't it. anyway, I really enjoyed reading your poem, it was very personal and touching. I hope to read more of your work. keep it up

I like that you continue sentences/ideas throughout stanzas, which is something not many people do, much less do well, and you manage to do that. It really puts emphasis on the end of ideas that wouldn't get that attention otherwise. I also really enjoy many of your word pairings, especially "monstrous fortune favors those" and "who suffer simple malice." They roll off the tongue very nicely. I would suggest edits to keep the flow consistent, though. At times, the word choice (perfidy) or sudden change in structure (fourth stanza) removed me from the poem at times.