What is your craziest masturbation story.

I'll start, when I was 16 years old I was whacking off, and well when I was done the way I was facing I jizedz in my eye. It burnt like the fire of a thousand suns. I tired to clean it out, but it still hurt. Anyway I go out to the kitchen and my mother sees my eye and freaks out. She then looks at it and says "there is some white stuff there" I think you have an infection. Well I convince her I am fine. Everything was better the next day, but holy hell did it burn.