I need help, about how to cope with something very terrible

I am 17-years-old now, but 14 years ago I lived in Oklahoma. My Father was in the military and my mom was a full-time student at her college. My older brother and I were dropped off at the neighbors to be babysat. Their names were P (the mom) and T(the son). P would spend countless hours "disciplining" me and my brother. When I turned 3, I vaguely remember T taking me into his bedroom and telling me I need a "friday check-up appointment" and from just me taking off my shirt, it escalated throughout the years into a violent sexual abuse that included sodomizing me repetitively, sometimes with foreign objects until I was 7, we then moved to Iowa. It's been 10 years since I last saw P and T, but I still have nightmares and am still very scared of everything. I need help, badly, on how I can get over this. I have told my parents, my closest friends, and even seen 3 different therapists. I just, don't know what to do anymore. The biggest issue is being alright with who I am. Because during the act, T would usual tell me either how beautiful I was and then he'd hit me around calling my a slut or a whore. Today I deal with major self esteem issues and I constantly change my appearance (clothing, hair style, hair color, make-up choices, etc.) to try and alter to make me "truly" beautiful, because somehow if I believe that I am beautiful now, it somehow justifies what he did to me. I just, I just need help....please.