Source
r/OCPoetry•
Illustrious__enticer

A drive

I am looking for a drive,

Riding along the night,

Wind singing songs all the while,

Of lonely roads and pretty lies,

Where land touches the sky,

Is where I am heading now,

For promises of easy days,

Breezy and starry nights,

I am looking for a drive,

I am looking for a drive.

The white clad plains singing to the moon,

Sound of engine humming to the tune,

Hairs dancing with air the groom,

And I am there, there to be the lone witness,

Of this commune.....

I am a looking for a drive,

I am looking for a drive.

..................................................................................

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Posted Jul 26, 2020, 5:59 AM UTC

510
[deleted]•

I can relate to your poem. Drives on a cool night is very therapeutic. The poem flowed smoothly, I enjoyed it.

2
Illustrious__enticerOP•

I can relate to your poem.

Thats all I could ask for. The poem has realised its ultimate goal if it relates to the reader.

Thank you for letting me know.

1
thenewcandide•

The second “i’m looking for a drive” felt unnecessary to me.

other than that this is a very relatable poem, considering how a lot of us are stuck inside our rooms for most days and many sleepless nights. We are looking for cool breezy night rides with a pleasurable company and a scenic view and this poem almost fulfils that feeling while also increasing the urge for actually doing it

2
Illustrious__enticerOP•

Thank you thank you.

1
Retonier•

This brings a peace to mind something that relaxes you without much effort

2
Illustrious__enticerOP•

Probably the best thing I could hear about the poem.

2
ytumamatambienn•

I enjoyed the repetition of I am looking for a drive since it allows the reader to understand how important drives are for [you]. During this time, that's what most people need: a drive. Whether it's a literal drive or simply the sense of freedom, most of the world would love to enjoy normal breezy and starry nights instead of current lonely roads and pretty lies.

2
Illustrious__enticerOP•

I enjoyed the repetition of I am looking for a drive since it allows the reader to understand how important drives are for [you].

Exactly. It also works as the hook but essentially I was hoping for it to work both ways.

The word drive is almost metaphorical too, you are very right.

Thank you for the feedback. If I connected with you through the poem even a tiny bit I am glad.

2
elinkz28•

I like the cadence , this poem also gives me a happy feeling while somehow using melancholy imagery , nicely done . If I’m nitpicking or trying to find criticism I feel like the word commune is a bit out of place or unwieldy amongst the otherwise “modern” feel of the poem , but maybe that’s intended!

2
Illustrious__enticerOP•

happy feeling while somehow using melancholy

Your captured the soul of it.

2