Source
r/OCPoetry•
phaedrux_pharo

The air through ten thousand earlobes stitched to a sail

I fall into myself.
Like a fever.
Like a spider round a meal.

Sometimes
my arms are not my own.
Sometimes
my dreams exceed my desires
and the web is plucked
and I hum sticky sweet
and I promise all earnest and prim
not to humble you with my greed.

But sometimes
I eat the air
Sometimes
from all lungs at once
and the web is plucked
and I hum sticky sweet
and I promise all smoke and fury
to eat your eyes last.

​

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Posted Aug 16, 2020, 9:08 PM UTC

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thenewcandide•

This is extremely good! I can really relate with it in a weird sort of way. I wanted to write something related to spiders and webs, I just had this feeling of a sticky web, and a big scary but somehow enticing spider. And I wanted to create something out of that feeling, but I ended up only making half assed drawings. This gives me the closure I needed! The last bit reminded me of Corinthian from The Sandman!

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phaedrux_pharoOP•

Thanks I appreciate that! I hadn't made the connection with the Corinthian, but I have recently been thinking about re-reading The Sandman books... interesting...

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MurtTheGoose•

holy shit. i feel attacked 😂 but seriously, the “sticky sweet” motif is beautiful. i love the way you pieced this. PLEASE FLESH IT OUT EVEN MORE. very talented. thank you for sharing

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phaedrux_pharoOP•

I know better than to start a fight with a goose. Thank you for reading!

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MurtTheGoose•

lmao. very hard headed a goose tends to be. good work though. i love it

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percyjeandavenger•

I love this. I'm not sure how to read it with the combined words but that's part of the fun, like it should be read aloud.

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phaedrux_pharoOP•

Thank you for reading it. I've thought about adding more punctuation, but, I also like it kind of spare- this, of course, provides opportunity for confusion about where to take a breath. Then again, maybe it's about the taking of breath anyway, and that ends up working- I kid. Mostly. I think, though, that there are invisible commas after each line that doesn't end with a period.

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Gus852•

Really strong and tight little piece! I read it the first time and it inspired me to quickly first draft a piece involving a spider, that might appear on here if I get it into better shape. Gave it a few more reads, and it has a nice menace to it. I was going to comment on the lack of punctuation, but you’ve addressed that elsewhere and although I’d probably add more, I respect your artistic decision.

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phaedrux_pharoOP•

I appreciate the comment and I'm happy to have inspired something! I hope to see your eight legged creation skittering across the page soon.

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Afairiest•

After reading this, I had to pause and read it aloud. Your words feel lovely in my vocal cords.

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phaedrux_pharoOP•

My words have reported back and wanted me to tell you they also enjoyed your lovely larynx.

Thank you!

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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