Story of my miserable life

Till 13-14 I was a normal guy. Then I started to feel worse, I hadn't got any friend, school was a nightmare. I was at home without going out, just school-home. I started to be better when I was 19. At university I found several friends, but I felt I definitely lost an entire piece of my life. No party, no dates, no girlfriend, nothing, I just skipped several years of my life. At 28 I started to have health problems. My life stopped there. I'm now 40. I didn't have an holiday alone or with friends (my latest holiday outside home have been on 2003 with my parents), I have never had a relation with a girl, I have never went abroad, never a concert or any other normal activity. Two years ago a very nice girl asked me to go out, I've never said yes to her, I'm now scared about the world. I hope to have a cancer to die as soon as possible. I'm totally alone and I'm not able to change this situation. I'm not able to do anything even at home, playing, reading a book, watching TV. I sit down on the couch and I watch the wall waiting to go to bed, the only thing can shutdown my fucked brain.