Source
r/MGTOW2•
CuriousIncel2

The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Loneliness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYncNbM9HMs

Food for thought for those of us who feel miserable in our loneliness, to the point that we think the grass is greener on the other side despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

My biggest takeaway, beneath the facade of comedy, was

We use another person to distract us, whenever any slightly painful or challenging internal matter comes into view ... So many big questions about our careers, or our ultimate purpose that we will ignore, because there was someone on hand, to chat to about what to order in for dinner

When I realized this, I understood that I wasn't trying to make friends with genuinely interesting people, only trying to run away from my own thoughts. As a result, the nearest body would suffice, regardless of his/her character defects.

The answer then? There is no easy answer. Perhaps this is the purpose of meditation? When you strip away all distractions, you are left only with your thoughts and forced to understand yourself (at least in theory).

Posted Sep 8, 2020, 3:22 AM UTC

195
DonMelbourne•

You might as well say "The high price we pay in being poor." The answer to that is to be careful with money, invest, etc. It isn't to just sit there, or accept the first poor paying job that comes along and keep to that. Invest your money, invest in your training, invest in your education.

Similarly, "the high price we pay for loneliness". The solution is: invest time into your hobbies and passions, invest time into making and keeping friends. Male friends, female friends, friends with benefits. There is no other solution.

I don't know why people think that marriage automatically leads to a lack of loneliness. Marriage is a terrible solution to the problem. There are lots of married men who are more lonely being married than when they were single. Married men tend to allow old friendships to slip away. See r/Deadbedrooms if you want to see how lonely married people are.

12
Metalcrazyx•

I do not recommend female 'friends'. Males are for friends, females are for sex (for some, not even sex)

9
[deleted]•

Oh, yeah, that's absolutely right.

2
CuriousIncel2OP•

You know, I never thought of it that way. Telling someone who feels lonely to "find the right one" is akin to telling a poor person to find the right lottery ticket, problem solved.

Which makes me wonder why we've set in our mind that a relationship is the answer to loneliness. Perhaps it's the movies, or maybe it's just a by-product of the phase of identity formation, where we still think that our identity is "incomplete" without a significant other.

6
Solo_and_Simple•

Yes, I agree. This became most clear to me when I visited my brother over Thanksgiving, a year ago. He is married, and his house is a din of activity -- TV on, cell phones out, conversations fragmented by kids and pets buzzing around. I know he likes family life, but I came away thinking that it was so distracted, I couldn't think.

I believe that part of what appeals to people who live this distracted lifestyle is the distraction itself. All the noise, the screens, the phones, the commotion, the people and pets streaming in and out -- it all functions to keep things at a superficial level. You can't really think deeply about anything, or even carry on a conversation about something of importance, because there are too many distractions. And I think that's the point.

In order to really be connected to other people, you have to be connected to yourself, and there has to be enough space/room to hear yourself think, and to really listen to other people. Despite the crowds and noise, I think that's being avoided, in situations like this. The appearance is very social, but the reality is distracted and superficial connection at best.

I end up feeling more lonely and isolated, in a situation like that. My marriage was kind of like that. I was never lonelier than when I was married. Someone said solitude is necessary for intimacy, and I think that's right. I'm also reminded of Camus' remark, "Domestic life, so often the opposite of the inner life."

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