How to deal with the emotional punches a man is supposed to **just take** to find a mediocre partner?
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Posted Sep 14, 2020, 7:06 PM UTC · edited
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The world needs a whipping boy.
I do love the idea of a sub called r/IncelExit posting a massive laundry list of things you need to do to be considered barely acceptable by society. And then they wonder why things are the way they are. "You have to have yourself in order... but you've also got to do all of this too!"
Is anyone else sick of how you are expected to constantly market yourself 24/7? I don't want to do this. Ever. Fuck impressing women, fuck impressing employers, fuck impressing social media followers, it's a lot of balogna.
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This has nothing to do with gender but with people preferring attractive people.
Having a generalized view like this about women wont help you.
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I talk about women who are slightly above average in this post which is most healthy young women with good hygiene, makeup and moderate exercise. I try not to generalize too much but I can't not generalize at all because I'd end up saying nothing.
I too am slightly above average looking (according to photofeeler.com) so I don't think its hypocritical.
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- healthy = honest speak translate "thin"
-above average = let me translate that to honestspeak "hot"
Young women = "less than 30 years old"
Makeup= "women who want to be seen as societally acceptable"
Moderate exercise = " women with a regular gym membership"
So you want a thin,hot, 20 something who cares about societal niceties with a gym memebership. Ok that's maybe 20-25% of the dating pool.
Are you also, hot, 20-30s dude, with over 100k in salary, and a good job with good earning potential who plans to be married in the next 7 years?
Because that's who the 20 year old wants to date.
If you are not, then either widen your net or change your standards.
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- above average = let me translate that to honestspeak "hot"
Honestly no, everything means exactly what I said it means. I'm a little spergy so I'm hyper precise with my language.
You know whats funny? I think I'm a normal dude looking for a normal woman, but it seems to me that the standards for women are so low that wanting my female equivalent requires I "change my standards" because they are somehow too high.
Let's go through what you said about what I said:
Young women = "less than 30 years old"
I'm 30 and would prefer a partner a few years younger, like most women would prefer a partner a few years older.
Makeup= "women who want to be seen as societally acceptable"
I work hard to be socially acceptable. I self-groom more than most my friends, I get regular haircuts, exercise, work on my diet to be thin (check my name), use hair products, put on sunscream daily on my face, shave my pitts & other stuff etc etc. I would even put on makeup if it was socially acceptable because I recongnize it's usefulness.
Moderate exercise = " women with a regular gym membership"
I have this.
healthy = honest speak translate "thin"
Check my username.
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Lol this is exactly how upper tier men think of women and they get around just fine
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Having a generalized view like this about women wont help you
Sheeeeit. I've seen men with the most misogynistic view of women have ZERO problems attracting them. Surely this ain't it.
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I just think of it as the mating ritual of our society. Could be a Praying Mantis instead, I'm quite thankful women don't need the extra protein from eating our heads during courtship. Not that it would stop us.
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Look this post is entirely stupid and I can tell you why. I was hanging out on forever alone a few days ago and I saw a woman post these things.
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I am 200 lbs overweight
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I don't do or move much due to an accident/back injury
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I am solely on disability
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I have herpes
She got 0 responses. Of course she did. Men don't like women who are fat, don't do much and have herpes. Women constantly are caving to men's desires. Losing weight. Wearing makeup. All the nice clothing and nude pics or whatever; those are things most woman aren't into, but men are visual and to catch a man, you have to understand how men think. Men won't seriously date fat overweight women; so women try not be fat.
When you say " I love gaming" that is the same thing as me saying " I love shopping for clothes! And that's my favorite hobby". It's a turn off.
When you say, " I have a knife collection I love" that is the female equivalent of hearing " I have a collection of sugar daddies I adore".
Do you have to like it? Fuck no. Believe me, I hate the way men treat overweight women but the world is not based on what you like. It's just based on reality. And when you want to catch women, you do what women like. There's no magic to that.
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200 lbs is 90.8 kg
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Did she really get zero responses, though? Don't people generally respond to those ads via PM rather than commenting?
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Never mind how she got herpes in the first place. Clearly at some point in time, she got some action. (Perhaps before she became grossly obese and disabled, though.)
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When you say " I love gaming" that is the same thing as me saying " I love shopping for clothes! And that's my favorite hobby". It's a turn off.
Is it the same really though?
Video games these days are a collection of music, video and esports (direct control aspects). How are those the same as something as unimportant like shopping? You'll never remember the shopping you did on november 18th, 1997. But you could remember an experience you had watching a collection of video and music called Titanic. Because art is a big deal and shopping is a necessity. Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe I'm missing something here. I'll gladly listen.
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Okay all is good and well but how the fuck is a knife collection similar to having sugar daddies?
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Everything on that link is pretty solid advice
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Yeah I'm not at all criticizing the validity of the advice. It probably works. You could also just be one of those scumbag PUAs and approach thousands of women and it would also probably work. I'm criticizing the morality of it.
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What would you suggest is a more morally acceptable method?
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Things like being kind, taking the time to form a connection, sharing common interests and so on are good ways to make friends with women, but if you are not proactive, don't jump through the hoops and excite her, you don't go past being friends. Someone better at hoop jumping will come along and she'll choose him over you, even if she doesn't have as strong a connection or as much in common with him, because how well you jump through the hoops is the key. This is simply how it is.
I want to add that, while it may be easier to find sex and relationships for women, the stats show they are unhappier in those relationships and I genuinely believe this game that every man is expected to play leads to women filtering out men they would have had happy and fulfilling relationships with.
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if you are not proactive, don't jump through the hoops and excite her, you don't go past being friends.
How do you get past feeling like a clown while doing this? Feeling like you're less than? Like you're tryharding and stuff, while the other person is just standing there waiting to be entertained.
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Not a clue mate, I'm a 31 year old virgin. I've just observed that being sexually attractive to women is a thing seperate to who you are as a person. The guys who do well play the numbers game and change their behaviour around women to ensure they make it through those hoops.
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This has to do with the patriarchy.
Women are demeaned is we are too "aggressive", so we are not allowed to approach men. If we do, we're too easy, and "that guy isn't actually interested in you, he's just going along with you because you're easy."
So the most women are socialized to do is to invite interest. This is why a woman "initiates" by looking at a man, but a man "initiates" by actually talking to her. "Hey" is also an invitation of interest, which is why women do it and why women don't respond well to it.
As for men putting in all the work. Yes, men have to do with more rejection. However, studies also show that men tend to "reach" for partners while women "settle" for partners, because if a man doesn't initiate, women just pass them by, even if they're interested.
And women do put in a lot of work for dating. Do you think clothes and makeup are free? How long do you think it takes a woman to get ready for a date? (Even dressed "casually".) Why do you think women are stereotypically into shopping? Many women don't actually enjoy shopping but do it because they want to look good, in order to attract a partner. But it's "cute" when a man doesn't know how to dress with sense of style or even clothes that fit them.
As for being crushed, don't get that emotionally invested. Emotionally healthy people bond over time. So if you've only been talking for a few weeks, finding out that you are not compatible should not "crush" you. You should be happy that you haven't invested a lot in the relationship yet and can now move onto someone who's hopefully more compatible.
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Thank you for commenting, I can see you're an emphathetic person by the way you write.
I don't get bonded to people fast, but I can see how my post comes off that way. The real "stress" of this that is really hard for me to get over is how I'm just supposed to be essentially disrespected by strangers over and over again, and still keeping doing it like I'm worth nothing. Every time I approach someone I'm openning myself up and essentially saying "hey I like you" and 9 times out of 10 they're holding a metaphorical bat behind their back waiting to hit me with an "eew no".
I know they don't take pleasure in it and are just trying to get out of the situation ASAP because they just don't like me physically but it still hurts and the process feels horrible. It's unscripted, there are no rules, and I can fuck up and not even know what I fucked up. It could just be cos they've had a bad day. The whole thing feels utterly thankless.
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Wtf
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Also you sound like an incel Btw if you think dating as a woman is easier, imma gonna tell you its not (though findind a hoar of men that want to fuck you it s not)
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Even if you go through all those hoops you'll just get ghosted by any matches because she found that one model that she would rather text