Any single fathers here doing seduction to find a nice girl?
I am a newly single father as the mother has left me for what it looks like for good. I really wish that wasn't the case but it's just me and my little ones now.
I'm 26 and would like to have companionship again. I went on a date and things went well. When I brought up that I had kids she sorta wasn't happy bout that and said she didn't want to get attached to my kids as it had happened in a previous relationship. This is a huge roadblock I forgot would happen.
Any hints, tips, tricks? I really don't want to be alone and this seems like a huge impass to get past. I would like a casual gf but someday a wife. For now only casual as I am still in pain from her leaving me.
Ask anything you wish so that I can help you help me.
Posted Jul 19, 2011, 4:48 AM UTC
You're obviously focused on this wayyy too much. You know I've never been in that situation, and I'll admit I'd probably be just as downtrodden as you are right now. Still though, I've been through heartbreak plenty of times, and I know what you're feeling.
Just from this post, I know for a fact that you put this random girl on a pedestal. You presented her with the facts, hoping she'd be cool with it, and when she wasn't, you allowed her perception to influence your perception. In other words, you had a weak frame. Be proud of what you've done, and don't let anyone allow you to think it's a bad thing, or awkward, or any sort of shit like that. Keep your solid frame and push through the bullshit.
The most important thing that you're doing completely wrong right now (from what it sounds like) is you're going on these "traditional" dates where you have to tell some random chick your life story and hope that she's ok with it. So you talk to this girl for however many hours before you even have a chance to get more intimate (and by "more intimate," I mean standard kino and shit that you could pull off at any bar in the country on any given night).
Your mindset is fucked up right now because you're trying to make girls like you. Flip the fuckin script man. Make it so they're the ones trying to get you to like them. I don't think the kids thing is a dealbreaker at all (especially if the girl's close in age). But your frame isn't good, so you let it get to you.
The best thing I could recommend for you right now is to go out and have some one-night-stands. Go to big bars and clubs. Get drunk. Take home some random girl. Fuck her. Repeat the process. What you'll find is that some (or most) of these random girls will be pretty cool, and many of them will have pretty good personalities. So what happens? After your "one-night-stand," there's a pretty good chance you'll want to see them again. And again. And again. And that's how you get a girlfriend. That's what I do, and it's what almost all of my friends have done, to get into LTRs. Don't be afraid to do that, and don't assume that only "sluts" are willing to do it. Go out to a cool bar, find a cool girl, fuck her, and see where it leads. Do the same thing with some other girls. You'll find one you really like, guaranteed.
[Don't just go to shitty dive bars though. Try to go to packed bars that have good reputations.]
I didn't allow her perception to change mine. It just made me realize that fuck this is going to be different than before. No she isn't on a pedestal because she is just a girl.
There was no frame to be be weak about. I'm proud to be a father.
I didn't tell her my life story on the date. It was a fun date filled with non important garbage with a little bit of rapport. She found out about the kids when talking in text afterwards trying to setup another meetup.
Not going to go further than that because you really didn't read this well enough to interpret anything correct.
You really think so?
You went on a date with this girl and she mentioned that she didn't want to grow attached to your kids. She said that on a first date with a guy she hadn't even fucked yet. If you're making her think about commitment the first time you meet her, you're doing it wrong. If she's making you think about commitment the first time you meet her, she's clingy as fuck and you should just get up and sprint away immediately.
First dates shouldn't be like that. For some reason, she felt the need to say what she said- maybe it had nothing to do with you- and there's a reason she was in that position in the first place.
If you want a casual girlfriend, either change the vibe on your dates (don't just sit down to dinner and chat with the girl, do something short and fun), or change the entire structure- go to places where guys usually meet girls and meet some girls there. Then you can skip the "dating" shit altogether (unless you really like the girl, but even then you can just invite her to your place instead of going out on a "date").
I didn't say she said it on the first date.
You're being really defensive. Even if it wasn't the first date (though it sounds like it was), the same concepts still apply. If you haven't fucked a girl yet, you shouldn't let the situation get to a point where she even thinks about saying what she said. She wouldn't have said it if you had played it differently.
Even if she had fucked you already (but she didn't), the same concept still applies.
side2, frogma makes some good points. If you're asking for advice, be prepared to hear it man.
My points stand.