She sent the kids without any clothes to wear for the weekend and didn't tell me she wasnt sending any.
What other insane shit should I look forward to till I get these kids permanently?
Posted Jul 23, 2011, 5:02 AM UTC
Wait until she starts telling the kids to "tell your Daddy he needs to send extra money this month" or "If your Daddy paid more a month you could....". Document everything. I have paid a few attorneys a small fortune and this is the number one thing they tell me to do. This way you have a reference when you answer a question for the court. Yes your honor, she sent the kids to my visit with no clothes and did not tell me she was doing this. She did this on the July 23 2011 visit. On previous visits has she has sent what was needed for the weekend? It may seem petty but it will save you. In the end Mom gave me custody. The fight was from grandma! (I won that also)
When this happens, do not let your anger fall out on the kids! They didn't do it. You say, "Well, that's okay. We'll get you some things to wear, and some PJs for tonight, and when you go back to your mother's we'll keep them here, just in case this happens again." You need to be seen by the kids as taking care of everything when things go wrong. You go shopping, you get what's needed, then you get a Cinnabon and cut it up evenly and everybody gets an equal share. You take the problem and you turn it into the best possible time together you can.
And you absolutely, positively, document everything. Write it all down, date/time/scheduled-event-if-any/actual-thing-that-happened, every time. But shield them as much as possible from the ugliness, and don't complain about their mother in front of them. They don't need that; you set a positive example, and the kids will figure it out for themselves.
Nah I love the piss outta these kids. I have this wierd habbit about doing everything thinking of them. Like I buy kids shit for them. Think of what foods to get the next time they come. Towels and other shit. Love these kids.
When you hug them do they spontaneously urinate? Man that would suck. :c
At first I was like, where did he get that question. Then I was like oooohhhh ... Then I laughed. Thank You, Sir.
It's best that you have sets of clothes/supplies for them at your place and don't try and rely on them to bring stuff with them -- and then have to bring stuff back. That's an invitation for conflict, as they'll no doubt leave stuff at your place accidentally and vice-versa.
When they walk in the door to your place, have them change out of their clothes/socks/undies/shoes/etc and put everything in a special spot and have them put on a set of clothes/socks/undies/shoes you have ready for them. When they return to their mom's, have them retrieve their clothes from the special spot and change into them before setting out. You may or may not stop for very messy ice cream cones which will melt all over their mom's set of clothes when you return them. That's a call for you to make.
Yes, it's redundant and costs more money to have the extra set of gear at your place, but it will be worth it to avoid any bitterness or quarrels over stupid shit with your ex.
Things to have on-hand:
Clothes:
Undies
Socks
T-shirts
shorts/pants
something warm (sweatshirt, sweater, jacket, depending on the season)
shoes
one nice outfit for when you go to parties or whatever
Toiletries:
Toothbrush
kid-friendly toothpaste
comb/brush
kid-friendly shampoo and conditioner if needed
kid-friendly soap
Do you have girls? how old? If they're ten or older have some supplies on-hand in case they start their period. Ask a relative or a friend who is a mom to a girl what to get. You can buy it from Drugstore.com or Amazon if you don't want to deal with going in person.
Just in Case:
Baby/Kids/Grownup (whichever is appropriate) ibuprofen and tylenol
Benadryl
thermometer (digital, rectal if you have a kid too young to hold it under the tongue... avoid the ones that go in the ear or that you swipe on the head; they're not accurate enough)
Your pediatrician's info, after hours info, preferred hospital info, insurance info
Your kids' dentist's info and all the other info to go along with it (see above)
Your kids' school and teachers' info
If any of your kids wear glasses, have a spare pair on-hand and the details of their prescription
Fun:
Disclosure: I'm not a dad, nor am I divorced/separated, but my brother has been through a bitter divorce, and I helped him a lot when he first started with visitation of my niece. I helped him with the shopping and even did the pick-ups and drop-offs for a while in the beginning so the parents wouldn't have to see each other.
Hooray for parental alienation syndrome. It's a glorious form of child abuse. yay!
Welcome to learning why there's a Men's Rights subreddit. The hard way. Good luck with your children.
She is telling you to buy clothes for your kids, dad. I would second that.
I am in the same situation but I would gladly buy clothes for my girl every weekend.
Her telling them you're a terrible father. That's always a good one. (Son of divorced parents.)