Source
r/AskReddit•
side2

Why do baby mothers do this to their exes...?

My babies mother bailed on me a couple months ago. She keeps doing things to bug me on purpose. This time it was sending the kids without any changes of clothes without telling me in advance.

Other things have included saying I had to get my own car seat (I bought the original one... I did get it but she was trying to be a pain in my ass). Telling me I couldn't talk to certain people or I wouldn't get to see my children. Telling me if I had my friend over I wouldn't be seeing them ever again (friend is a female who is the sweetest girl in the world).

Why do they do this when they are the ones who left?

Posted Jul 23, 2011, 4:02 PM UTC

037
[deleted]•

Hey............ don't stick your dick in crazy and you won't have these problems.

13
3raser•

this pretty much sums it up

1
brownmagician•

This is why lawyers are very important in cases like this. I can't stress that enough. Also, IANAL

6
MadeByMonkeys•

Also, lawyers will bleed you dry over this. Yours and hers will conspire through implicit arrangement to keep the two of you fighting over every possible aspect of your custody arrangement to inflate their billable hours.

Good luck..

1
brownmagician•

that's a bit of a stretch.

Why not assume game theory where they are not conspiring and just matching each other move for move.

1
MadeByMonkeys•

That's why I said implicit. They both know the game. There's no need for them to actually coordinate. They know what to do. They will act as though every possible permutation of every scenario must be spelled out in contract and court order. This will take YEARS. It's ridiculous.

1
side2OP•

What is IANAL and it still doesnt explain why

0
Darrian•

She wants to be in other relationships while still controlling your life.

Simple as that.

2
side2OP•

That does not explain why

-2
Darrian•

Actually it does. She wants to control you but she doesn't want to be with you so she's using the kids as leverage.

There is no further "why" to it. That's just how it is.

1
lonely_puppet•

As bad for this guy as I feel I have to agree with you.

1
Darrian•

Oh absolutely, it's a horrible situation I wouldn't wish on anybody. Doesn't change anything though. Sometimes people are just horrible to others, and they wouldn't even be able to tell you why.

She probably doesn't even know why she's doing this to him, or justifies it by telling herself that he deserves it.

2
side2OP•

Why would she want to control even if not around? So yes there is a further why

0
Darrian•

God damn it, if you don't get it by now you never will.

There is no reason. She probably doesn't even fully understand why she does it. Just accept that she isn't going to make it easy for you and move on.

2
Final7C•

.. because you're her ex?... I mean... that usually implies that the two of you really don't get along that well.. otherwise you'd still be together... and now you are both forced to deal with eachother by another person... Namely your child. And your own desire to see your child has given her the leveage she needs to give you hell. It sucks dude.. but... if you don't want to deal with it, then get a lawyer and have it stated that your custody rights are not on her whim.

1
side2OP•

That does not explain why

-1
Final7C•

sure it does. Do you often WANT to be nice to your ex. no you fucking hate your ex.. if you didn't hate them you'd still be with them. Even if you guys left on good terms, the constant reminder that this person you once laid, eventually didn't care enough for you to stick with you, and is now getting laid by someone else, pisses us off. If you're not pissed that she is with someone else, then that probably means you left her.. thus, she's still dealing with the loss. This anger is just a stage of loss. And she like most crazy people, refuses to acknowledge it, and get it fixed, so instead, she aims to make your life a living hell. But not all baby mothers do that. Some are acutally quite kind and generous. Also, if you're not with her 24 hours a day (even if she says she doesn't want to be with you.. it doesn't matter, she still blames you) to help raise the child, then she envies you, in every way... she feels like you've left her to take the responsibility for the child, and you can just get them when you wish.. and so in her mind.. you don't understand her pain.

2
side2OP•

I didn't leave her. She is with someone else now. She left me. I have not done anything mean to her or pretty much talked to her at all since she has bailed. Only about the kids and once to see if we could hang out. That is it.

1
Final7C•

it's not ever about what "Acutally happened" it's about what she "thinks happened". In her mind.. she left you because you weren't there/weren't worthy/wasn't ever what she wanted. None the less... she dislikes that you're still around.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
somevelvetmorning•

I'm guessing you left her?

1
side2OP•

My babies mother bailed on me a couple months ago.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
side2OP•

My voicemail box got full. How do I transfer these?

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
higginsnburke•

WHY don't you have a custody arraignment?

1
side2OP•

It hasn't been that long

2
higginsnburke•

get one ASAP. till then if you have scheduled visits and she flakes write it down, write everything down and use it in court/proceedings. hire a lawyer (you do not have to pay for hers) and make a schedule. she will make your life hell in the meantime, but having it all written down will benefit your children in the long run.

1
side2OP•

Her making my life suck will only make hers suck later.

1
higginsnburke•

essentially.

1
spriggig•

In relationships, they're all nuts to some degree. A big chunk of teenage girl training (what they do while boys are getting drunk and wrecking cars) is learning how to hide it.

0