Yeah when the structure is regular if feels nicer with a more regular rhyme scheme. 

Oooh yeah that's a good idea. I hadn't thought about doing that, usually when I've been writing I've just, well, been writing and not given too much thought. I'll certainly try deciding on a rhyme scheme before starting to write and I'll see how that goes :(

Thank you!

Not a problem! It's less the change after the first stanza and more the lack of consistency throughout - again, it could be a me thing, but in a poem like this where the structure is fairly regular it'd make sense for it to be regular. My suggestion would be to choose a rhyme scheme before you start writing, ideally something that isn't super restrictive - the poem I just posted was my first rhyming in a while and I went with ABCB to avoid getting stuck. If you have trouble with rhyming and rhyme schemes that is always a good option. Keep working on it and keep writing! Your poem is great :)

Hi. Thank you so much for the feedback :)

Yeah the weather part was to get the feel of always working no matter what time of year it is, and also working through different emotions in the hope that work will cause me to forget about the world outside (working when I'm happy - sun. Working when I'm down - rain).

Yeah rhyme scheme is always something that I struggle with and that I want to improve at. If I'm not mistaken is it mainly the change in the rhyme scheme after the first stanza which throws you off? If so that's just because I'm bad with rhyme schemes lol, it is something I will work on in future poems though :)

Dear throwaway2462828,

I think many people can relate to this, myself included, so your message is strong. Your use of weather (work in the sun, work in the rain) really adds to this feeling that you're working non stop, through the seasons and the changes of the weather. I like how you've built it to feel like you're just moving day in and day out. My suggestion for this poem would be to stick to a more regular rhyme scheme. At a glance my instinct is that this is quite a regularly structured poem, but the rhyme scheme throws me off - that could be intentional, but this is simply my instinct to want a little more structure. Great poem though, thank you for sharing!

Yeah the juvenile structure was partly intentional to try to get across that I'm a bit like a child in that I don't lie down when I'm struggling, like a child who will not stop trying when learning to walk or something. Like, I work with the resilience of a child, but I'm feeling hurt and struggling like someone who has been through a lot in a short time. I do think I could have been a bit smarter with the structure though really :)

I'm sure many people found this to be relatable. Personally I found the structure kind of juvenile, but the ending seems to highlight quite a dark undertone of the continuous struggle and the futility of it all. This is sure a strange one, thanks for posting!

You're talented! You did well turning it into a song, do you make music quite often?

I tried to turn your poem into a song [https://soundcloud.com/kazuwel/work-till-i-die](https://soundcloud.com/kazuwel/work-till-i-die)

:)

Yeah I definitely agree that the rhyming is something I need to work on. Someone suggested that I decide on a rhyme scheme before i start writing and plan my poem around that so hopefully that will help :)

Yeah, the simplicity of it was trying to show how working can feel a bit boring and how it's always feeling the same. Though I agree - I think I could have done a better job and been more creative with this

i like how often work is repeated, really drives home the consistence of work. the only thing i would critique is maybe the simplicity of the poem and the weird rhymes? some are half rhymes, some are perfect rhymes, some are just the same rhymes repeated again? that’s the only thing i would clean up

The pain that OP is feeling. Talking about having to work thru some tough shit and (for me anyways) not knowing if you'll actually make it through. Working through the pain and the rain.

I enjoyed this. The lyrical flow is very pleasing to the eye and to read. It rings something deep down inside my tiny little heart .

I always have to work,

Work through the hurt,

I always have to keep trying,

Even though it's so taxing

.

Work in the sun,

Work in the rain,

Work till it's done,

Work through the pain

.

Always trying,

I'll never lie down,

Keep on crying,

Because I'll stick around

.

Never going to give up,

Even when I feel like the end is nigh,

Never going to give up,

Work until I die.

.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/j9yhxd/hope/g8mvxcq?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ja0prr/the_drop/g8mw838?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

Only Work