Source
r/dating_advice•
SP_OP

I (M19) recently got out of a 3 year relationship with her (F19). One problem I saw early in our relationship but ignored like a genius was only spending my free time with her. How do I avoid this in the future?

I stopped hanging out with my friends completely basically. I don't think that's healthy looking back on it. What is healthy? How do I adapt my personal life around a future girlfriend? Also, how soon do I tell my family if I'm seeing someone? Do I just go with the flow?

Posted Nov 15, 2020, 4:19 PM UTC

16
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1
GoldenRetrietard•

What's wrong with spending time with someone that you want to spend time with? I don't get this mentality, at all, but it seems perfectly evident on this here board.

Of course, I wouldn't be able to be present and give people that I date the time that we deserve, unless I deal with things that cause me stress outside of the interaction, first. I need my sleep, I need time to charge my batteries, I need to shower. Being with another person can sometimes trick your mind into postponing activities that require you tend to them.

It's not a good idea to let yourself procrastinate through another person, let alone procrastinate, ever. That said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be around a special person's energy.

1
SP_OPOP•

I don't think it's healthy to basically abandon all of my friends for someone I'm dating. Having no life outside of the relationship isn't productive either. If you continue your life with the relationship at hand, your life would only get stronger, if that makes sense.

3
GoldenRetrietard•

It's normal during the honeymoon period of a relationship to spend more time with each other, to get to know who you both are and to explore each other's personality, before you get into a more serious commitment. After it's over, you reconnect with the friends and it's back to same old + partner, hopefully.

It sounds like you're trying to strategize dating, because, on one hand, yes, you shouldn't abandon your day-to-day responsibilities, but you're asking yourself to partition your wanting to see someone in a way that would make sense to you. That never happens, in practice.

It usually stems from an insecurity of attributing a past failure with a somewhat unrelated behavior, in this case, wanting to spend a lot of time with your potential partner. You state that this is what killed it. I don't know what happened, what was said, what was done and how it was done, so I can't tell you if I agree with your conclusion/assumption, but it's usually a symptom, not a cause of it ending.

2
SP_OPOP•

That's not what killed the relationship, I just wish I hadn't dropped my friends like I did

1
GoldenRetrietard•

then see them whenever you want and your schedules match. Leave a day free for friends and family in your weekly schedule.

1