If you hear a zombie fart in a haunted outhouse, you need to sniff this as a matter of life and meth.
The outhouse is cramped and smells like day old burrito and pizza pocket vomit. I'm in there doing my business and then I go to wipe and I realize there's only one square of TP left. Not only that...
Somethings on it. Something... dookie-esque. I lean forward and give it a sniff and it smells bad. Real bad.
I start freaking out thinking I'm gonna catch scary and die, but then I remember I'm a zombie so its no big deal. I sigh and lean back on the toilet seat, and that's when I see it.
A list of rules.
I pick up the paper and start sweating hard. My clammy fingers are trembling so much i can barely read it, but luckily there are only three:
- Please clean up after yourself. This is a shared washroom and we all appreciate a clean space to do our business :)
- Please use appropriate receiptical for feminine hygiene products and paper towel :)
- IF A MAN IN A CROOKED COWBOY HAT KNOCKS ON THE DOOR AND ASKS YOU TO "HURRY UP PARTNER" YOU NEED TO TURN IN A CIRCLE, CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN AND WIPE YOUR ASS PRECISELY 3 TIMES. HE WILL LEAVE. IF YOU DON'T, HE WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO FINISH FOR UP TO 20 MINUTES!!
Before I can continue shitting myself in fear, I hear a knock on the door and my zombie blood goes cold.
"Brainz?" I ask.
"Hurry up, partner!"
FUCK!!!!!!!
Posted Nov 26, 2020, 3:17 PM UTC · edited