Mother [42F] who abandoned us in middle of the night came back after 16 years and it's killing me [24F] inside and that my brother [17M] and father [42M] are too forgiving towards her and it makes me resentful towards my own brother and father.

My story is a bit long and I apoligize for the upcoming wall of text. She and my father were high school sweethearts who got pregnant at very early age of 17 and had me a month of their prom and we lived in a a rural place that's not big enough to be called a town but still larger than your avarage village. Anyway, they settle themselves to farmers life after graduating and had my brother 7 years later and she left us when my brother was only month and a half old baby. To this day I can still remember waking up to get ready for school and finding my father on the ground kneeling over and crying holding one my notebooks, I was just a child at the time and seeing my father curled up like that made me cry to and that's when my father got a hold of his emotions and righted himself up to pick me up. She, in her hurry to leave literally took a notebook from my schoolbag and wrote her half assed excuses to why she was leaving us, how she never wanted kids, how she shouldn't have gotten pregnant and how things should have turned out differently and how this small town was smothering her around her neck she needed to get away and how the second child, my brother was the final noose that wouldn't let her breath. I learned what she wrote on that notebook a year or so later when I found it in the drawers. She left with our truck and had someone deliver us the truck a month or so later without even sending a word or anything. Just some guy came and said here's your truck.

My father was a mess afterwards, not taking care of the farm, stopped eating, started drinking. It was the fact that I stopped going to to school to take care of my brother while my aunt (her sister) and her husbands words that finally made him bounce back but you could see he was sad for a lot of years and still even after a decade he would get all closed up around the time she left or on their anniversaries. It was us, dad and I who took care of my brother. I'd come back from the school, do the dishes that was left over from our breakfast and take care of my brother until he was few years older than I slowly became the woman of the house so to speak. I'd cook the food, do the dishes and take care of my brother after school and my father would spend nearly all his awake hours trying to manage the farm. We weren't the richest people around but with only one depressed adult and two small kids we earned more than what we needed and even saved up a bit for my brothers collage fund. My father insisted that I should have one for myself as well but I was spending too much time on domestic and farm related stuff to actually focus on my studies and if I have to be honest I loved the farm, animals and taking care of my brother.

Anyway, nearly a year ago she returned to visit her family, my aunt and us too and she was appearntly was planning settling back here permanently. We knew that she had a good few years of modelling which led to her joining the staff of a some sort of a magazine from our aunt as she still called her from time to time. She tried calling us a few time as well but I refused to talk with her and I think she was too ashamed to ask to talk with my brother. Anyway, when she came back she appearntly had enough for setting back here with a new house and some land. After few days of her coming here, she tried to contact us again when she and my dad ran into each other at the town center. My dad says he told her about my opinion on her but she insisted, apparently she ''owned'' that to me and I shove it, for the lack of better term with few extras on the side as well. She tried the emotinal, regretful parent on me with her crying and all but I don't buy it or rather I just wish she never came back to disturb us and lived in her airy, breathable big city life and left us the hell alone. My brother was not there at the time as he's in his first year in collage, he was admited via early enrollment thanks to him being a loveable genius that he's.

I knew my dad was still in love with her, I tried to set up a few dates for him before but it never went anywhere and that summer, well this summer they started dating again to my dismay and my brothers joy. My dad invited her over to dinner when my brother came back from his summer break and we had a family dinner. I wanted to warn my brother about her but seeing his enthusiasm about it I couldn't break his hearth so I just stayed civil and didn't speak unless spoken too. My father had kept that notebook for more than a decade but I decided to burn it when I was 19. My father and had a pretty big fight about how I had no right to burn it but I said to him that it was better than my brother accidently finding it and reading how her mother thought her a noose around her neck that wouldn't let her breath and he caved in after that, and now whenever I see her in our house talking with my brother who looks up to her like geine finally granted his wish I remember what she wrote and the rage and hatred that goes through my very soul is becoming that goddamned noose that won't let me breath.

My brother had a talk with me this morning about me being cold toward her and it turned heated when my brother said ''Why wouldn't I be happy, I finally have a mother, WE finally have a mother'' and I shouted back at him ''I was your mother not that wh*re and I don't have a mother'' and I made my brother stormed out of the house crying and seeing him cry made me cry while my father tried to meditate between us and failed. The fact that I can't tell him that I hate her because she detested us, her own god damned children because it will hurt him more, the fact that she abandoned and scored the loviest, most innocent looking baby with sky blue eyes when she was suppose to be a mother to him. I was god damned 7 years old child when I cooed at him and changed his diapers for the first time with my aunt showing me how it's done and I didn't resent him, I loved him like a brother and I loved him like she was suppose to.

And the little comments people make about her and me now that she's back are jut salt to the wound about our likeness, even my brother once commented on how we looked so alike, smile like each other, and how she probably looked like me when she had him and it took all my will power to not to snap at him.

I know that being this bitter, cold person will drive my brother away and I know I should stop if I wish to preserve this blissful moment even though the cause is her but I can't help it. The worst part is, since she came back she's not the hearthless piece of shit that left us. She never raised her voice when I cursed at her when my brother was not around or told her to leave us alone or when the time I asked if she was avoiding me because I shouldn't be born at all and she's trying to fix a mistake by avoiding me. I once even told her that does she think about the noose when my brother hugs her and she just looked like she was punched and got teary eyed but only apologized and didn't try to defend herself. I can't even enjoy hurting her, she doesn't fight back, she's not the monster I made her out to be, atleast she isn't now.

And the WORST part, THE WORST part today made me resentful and tired like I don't even have strength to feel emotions. I actually understand the resentfulness now. Am I trully just like her for resenting my brother for forgiving her and calling her his mother when I raised him myself with a depressed father at home when I was just a child myself? Or the fact that my father accepted her back so quicky makes me see him as a weak willed man that makes me question the respect I have for him? Did I resent the fact that I stayed here on the farm, not going to collage. They made me skip a grade as well before my mother left us, would I find some sort of new outlook on life at collage that would make me more like my brother or father and be happy instead of being resentful?

I've vented quite a bit and I'm sorry and thankful to you guys as I think it let me unwid a bit so my question is what am I going to do now?