Impressions of Estonia

I've lived here for a few months now and have a pretty good impression of Estonia. Writing what I've noticed has been something I've been meaning to do for a while now. After writing it, it looks like a huge wall of text. I suppose there isn't a way to describe it well by using fewer words.

A bit about me : I've been traveling/working all around the world for the past 10 years. Been to some of the worst places on Earth and seen some of the most despicable things people can do to each other. Then again, I've also seen some of the most beautifully indescribable things and met some amazing people along the way. Grew up in America and was damn determined to not be one of those Americans who don't know the world and thinks the world has a red, white and blue flag on it.

First - Estonia's definition of masculinity. One thing that struck me as odd here is how men are portrayed in advertisements compared to women. The women are generally looking stunning in their clothing, hair and overall looks. The men in advertisements look as if they just got out of bed. Sometimes sort of confused looking as if they aren't sure where they are. This is completely opposite of what other English speaking countries advertise the ideal male model to be. Muscular, cut from stone, aggressive, and strong. Here it seems that as long as he is breathing and blood is pumping that he'll be put in front of a camera. But that is just advertisements. Of course it doesn't reflect reality.

Second - Masculinity in the real world. I don't see any men holding doors open for women or old people. The closest word to describe would be chivalry, but that's a bullshit word anyway. I walk around town a lot and see some messed up stuff sometimes. It seems men don't intervene in societal wrongs. Like public drunkenness. That would absolutely not be tolerated in the US. A drunk in public would be 'taken care of' pretty quickly, but not here. Maybe it's a MuPo thing, I don't know.

Third - Clothing. I visited for a bit in winter and was shocked at how women dressed. In a good way. It was amazing to me how much effort they put into looking good despite the dreary weather and snow. Seeing a woman bundled up with a skirt or nice dress?! Good work girls. The men are just like everywhere else. Suppose you see a couple out at night. The woman is dressed to kill while the man looks like he put on his cleanest dirty t-shirt and sneakers. She put effort into looking good but he doesn't give a fuck. It would seem to me that a dapper young man who dressed himself well would have women clawing all over him. Go figure. It's like that pretty much everywhere though.

Fourth - Personality and coldness. Everyone knows about this, but I came up with a metaphor. Elsewhere (except Asia, they are just as bad as Estonians) people are very warm to strangers. It is not the automatic assumption of friendship, rather it is attempting to build a socially comfortable situation until someone ruins it. Not the other way around (which Estonians seems apt to do). The metaphor is like this. Suppose you go and knock on a door in the states. The host would throw it open (even if they are unfamiliar with you) and give you a warm welcome and a big hug. Get inside! It's hot/cold out there. Come in and have a seat, what do you want to drink? It's so good to have you over! That's what it is like in the US, Central Asia and a few European countries. Here, it's different. Suppose you go knocking on a door... no response for about a minute. A little slit in the door opens and you see some shifty eyes looking at you. They don't say anything. Hello? You say. They say "What do you want?". After you explain why you are there, the little slit slams shut and another minute or two passes before the door opens. Even then they are weary of your presence and very questioning as to why you are there. The door knocking part represents meeting a stranger and saying hello.

Also, why don't Estonians shake hands? I'll put my hand out and you people look at me like "What the fuck does this guy think he is doing? Why should I shake your hand?" and won't even return the gesture. Leave a guy hanging on a handshake... shame on you.

It's not all bad. Meeting Estonians usually goes like this. Say hello to receive a quiet-with-no-eye-contact hello. Handshake hand is left there hanging. I say some non-descript polite thing like nice to meet you and what not. The Estonian just stares back. A few seconds go by and they say something in moonspeak to another Estonian. Then, after an hour or two has passed, the Estonian comes back and won't fucking shut up talking. All of a sudden we are best friends who haven't seen each other in years! Sometimes this part occurs while naked in a sauna together. Odd.

Fifth - Women and femininity. In conversation with women here, they are supremely unsatisfied with their men here. Sometimes that topic comes up directly, sometimes you can sort of derive it. One wonderful thing I've seen here is that the women seem to be very comfortable in a healthy type of femininity. I'm sure Estonian men would say otherwise, but the women here seem to be much more self-confident and have much more self esteem than American women. Women in the US worry about every little stupid thing and drive themselves nuts in their insecurities. I don't see the little tell tale signs here. Girls don't check their makeup in the reflection when they think no one is looking. No preening of their hair or outfit, at least not nearly as much. Less makeup, which is great.

Sixth - Fatness, or the lack of it. This one is easy. There are very few overweight people here. I like that.

Seventh - Distrust. My girlfriend and I came up with an idea to try and explain why the Estonians are so weary of others. In the Soviet times, there were spies everywhere. People would be sent off or get in deep trouble just for having that little thing to watch Finnish TV. Or if they knew too much or enjoyed culture outside of the iron curtain. People always sort of had a knife to their necks and walking on eggshells. That guy down the hallway could rat you out to the authorities either because that is his job or he gets a little bonus for ratting people out. As I understand it, some people would go around accusing others based on lies just to look good to the authorities. A lot of innocent and good people got sent away. Even then, saying something in complete confidence to a true friend may mean that it could get leaked by accident to the authorities. Rumor is good enough.

So living on this precarious edge would surely make a society shut each other out and be weary towards each other, even their friends and family. That would be a hard habit to break. So, these older parents who are maybe 50 now with adult children, those parents grew up and lived in that. The young adults now did too, but their society changed to freedom in the teenage years. The thing is, children learn habits from their parents. It might take a generation or two for that weariness to go away. Reading up on Estonian history, the Estonians were generally a very warm and friendly people. The Soviets seemed to do a good job of eradicating that. It may be making a comeback as young adults are beginning to take the reins in society, but the impression I get is that they still have the habit of weariness and introversion of their parents. I think it will go away once the children born after 1995 or so become adults in society. Also consider that Estonia and Tallinn are becoming cosmopolitan cities, the Estonians will be dealing with more and more foreigners whether they like it or not.

Now, I thought the Japanese were the most introverted and distrusting of foreigners... they are amateurs compared to Estonians.

So that is most of it. I've been studying the economy and politics here, but it's better to not discuss that here. I asked my girlfriend the other day "How the hell do you people manage to reproduce if you're so shy and weary of others?", to which she replied "Alcohol"

Three things are needed to make a baby here. Sperm, an egg and a little booze. Mix all that together in a bowl and you get an Estonian baby.

I like it here though. I've been everywhere and Estonia is easily the most interesting place I've been. Arguments?