Will give it a look. Give me some time....

**Pacing**

By far the story’s biggest weakness. This story meanders A LOT at the beginning with the exposition dumps. I didn’t care about Thomas Mifflin. I didn’t care about the meeting. You know that saying if there's a gun in act one, use it in act three? If these people aren’t going to be mentioned again, let alone in any meaningful way, then why should I gave a rat’s ass about them (again I get it, your assignment probably requires you to have some of this included). 

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>The original intention of the convention had been to revise the Articles of Confederation; however, James Madison and Alexander Hamilton had been keen to drive the convention toward drafting a new government instead of amending the old one. At the end of the convention, 39 delegates, including Mifflin, signed the Constitution. All that was left for the 13 states, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South

  

Sorry for the delay, was going to finish this on Christmas, but I got sleepy and things got in the way.

**Intro**

So, as a great man once said in The Sopranos, I have a couple of three things to say about this.

I literally don’t have a clue what the class’s criteria is for getting a passing grade on this assignment, but if it’s to regurgitate information to show that you’ve “learned something” and pack it into a fun little homework assignment, then congrats, I’d say you’ve done what you were supposed to do. A+.

But this sub ain’t for high school papers Jack. If getting a passing grade on the homework is all you want, then you can skip to the spelling/grammar section and closing remarks. However, I’m going to treat this as if you’re trying to get published in a major literary magazine. If it won’t help you, then it’ll help me and hopefully some others on this sub.

**General Remarks**

I was bored. I found myself wanting to skip past different sections of this story. That isn’t 

Hello. Here are some thoughts on your piece. Mostly it’s a couple of comments on the writing nuts and bolts, followed by more in depth comments on tying together story and themes in historical fiction. I’m a bit of a history buff myself, both political and economic, so forgive me if I go off on tangents when discussing potential avenues to explore..

**Writing style, mechanics and so forth**

Overall this reads well enough. There were no consistent grammatical issues to my eyes, and the presentation of information was straightforward and clear. There are some comments I would make, though:

* There’s quite a bit of extraneous detail. For example, you reference the 13 original states, then list each of them. Most people already know which states were the original 13, and even if they don’t it’s not immediately relevant. Try to avoid information that doesn’t add to anything but the word count.
* Going with the above comment, there’s also a fair bit of stage direction. We get a lot of des

Second try! This is a story I wrote for the final in my "Origins of American Capitalism" class. Posting it here so it can get ripped up. Hope you enjoy.

Story:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zk_7EX8E4tMOCYrKpiaFmE2D5W4Y39vGN-xN3FlpOlU/edit?usp=sharing

Critiques:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kjifxb/670_the_journey/ggy2aml/ (670)

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kf58z5/3026_my_encounters_with_the_captain/ggszlep/ (3026)

[3029] The Rise and Demise of the Nine to Five