Thanks for the critique. 

>I don’t feel from this paragraph that you chose your words on anything other than meaning. No attention was paid to rhythm or rhyme. 

Yeah, you're right. The musicality wasn't really on my mind when writing this, it was language, really. This gives me something new to consider.

A question about the whole dum-da thing, if you have time to answer. Under what criteria does each syllable count as a 'da' or as a 'dum.' I wasn't able to figure it out.

   
The Good

Very strong start. Your first two stanzas are fantastic and made me think the rest of the poem would be fantastic.

The Bad

The rest

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Ok I’m kinda trolling but you did lose a lot of momentum. 

What is important in poetry for me:

* Creative use of language
* Rhythm
* Rhyme
* Meaning

I think you use language well. I’m not gonna preach about it to you because I know you can do it based on what you’ve given me. 

I think the rhythm could use work. First two stanzas are great. Third stanza has no consistent rhythm in my ear. There’s nothing poetic about it, just feels like sentences broken up. 

Morphine drip laughter 5

DA dum DA DA dum

My ear was a conclusion along the lines of 

DA DA dum DA DA

Of course, doesn’t have to be exactly this, but something that “echoes” the rhythm you just established, both in syllable count and in syllable emphasis

leaking from a smiling syringe, 8

DA dum dum dum DA dum dum Da 

This is what you give me for a conclus

Any interpretations and general impressions welcome.

Feedback \[992-577 = 415\]: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kip6lm/992\_first\_glimpse/ggwxfk1?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kip6lm/992_first_glimpse/ggwxfk1?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

&amp;#x200B;

Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZSgi0dV0imlJ9DLzws0dMfX-1468dRXwfdWLmYcrge0/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZSgi0dV0imlJ9DLzws0dMfX-1468dRXwfdWLmYcrge0/edit?usp=sharing)

[88] Ward Weary