My 2020... and my progress. Happy new year /Limerence!

Hey guys, I just wanted to wish you all a great new year. Let's be honest, it's not that a new year will change everything around us. It's just another date in the calendar, that's all... But we put the meaning behind that date. And I wish you all find what you want and get it, or at least get closer to it :)

Just leaving some reflections about my last year vs new year. Don't read it if it's too long for you, just keep in mind I wish you a great year and strenght to endure it. The text below it's for myself and those who are bored enough to read about my year haha.

To me, this new year means a lot. I remember vividly 2nd jan last year... I was totally depressed, couldn't walk, unemployed, emotionally devastated by LO and having problems with my SO. If I'm trully honest on my balance, it's not much that changed...but my perspective about things did change and it made a huge impact.

1. Still unemployed, hopefully by the end of january I'll start working again :D
2. I can walk again! - This was a huge boost. When I had an accident and couldn't walk and barely do anything by myself I became veeeery depressed. I had to quit my job and stay home. My quarantine started in november '19 haha. Being able to walk again feels so good. This accident happened when I was about to meet with LO (shortly before he dissapeared) and now with the perspective that time gives you... During this time, it was the peak of my obssesion. I believe part of my obsession with LO was a coping mechanism (as strange as it may sound) for being unable to do anything + low self steem. So much free time...too much time. It wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, that's for sure.. But I learned a lot from it.
3. Finally got rid of toxic people: My parents. It's a long story, but you know... I feel so free now. Kind of sad and "orphan". Like, literally I have no one else beside my SO and myself. We were already a small family, but they were never there for me. Just demanding and doing damage. Tbh it was hard at first, but day by day it feels like the right choice. I may be "lonelier" now, the difference is that with them I was already feeling lonely in company. Now loneliness is a choice I can make and it doesn't hurt.
4. SO and I grew closer and THIS is the best thing of the year!. We've been together for 10 years. Can you imagine? Since highschool! And I can't be more in love with him than now... He's the one for me. (NOT LO, as my past self had dobuts about love). I never wanted to get married or have kids, but now I'm starting to think about it... So weird. We always joke that we are already engaged but we have never made it official... Should I propose? Aaaaaaaahhhhhh I DON'T KNOW. I love him, deeply. I want to grow old beside him and make him happy. That's all I know.
5. About LO, since this is Limerence subreddit. This may need a long paragraph. (Disclaimer: SO and I have an open relationship, I explain this beforehand because it may look like cheating at some point)

It's been two (?) months since I deleted all about him. It was a friendship of almost 12 years. Gosh it was hard to take that final step. Do you want any update? I wrote an unsendt letter to LO where I got everything I wish I'd told him off my chest. It was cathartic. And I felt freed from his spell. Day after day...I thought about him a little less...It's been some weeks without him passing by my mind until today that I'm writting this, and just because of this. And the best thing? I feel nothing. No more remorse. No more obsession. No more uncontrollable fantasies. I look at him now and I see an ugly man and absolutely no desire for him. Guys... I feel free.

Omg, I shed a tear as I wrote that. Looking back, I should admit I also feel a bit ashamed of things I did for LO/to LO/because of LO: Stalking, sexting, masturbating thinking about him... I even spied on him when he started streaming on twitch. It's embarrasing and I want my dignity back haha. Anyway, past is in the past and I'm looking foward this year. Feeling nothing is a great sign in this case. Hopefully this is the last time I write about him :)

Thank you if you read all that! Kind of bittersweet as I read it myself and it seems the key word is free. I'm free in 2021 :D

If someone as obsessed as I was (for 12 years...) can do this, you can too.

Edit to say thank you to all the people who supported me in the many posts I wrote here. Thank you, you cried with me, cheered with me and gave me great advice many times. You were the friends I didn't have when I needed them. THANK YOU.