Source
r/writing•
linearcore

A Question of Style: Past and Present Tense

I am working on a short story, which is hovering around 5000 words right now. The piece was written in past tense, as the narrator is recounting his tale. However, on this edit I have decided to add an action scene. My dilemma: action sequences, to me, lose their immediacy and tension when written in past tense. As a result, I wrote these smaller action vignettes in the present tense.

Is the shift in tense for these two pieces going to be jarring? To any other editors or writers out there: have you done this? Did it work, or did you just get a bunch of complaints?

Posted Sep 23, 2011, 11:49 PM UTC

15
DangerousBillPublished Author•

If the scenes are short, you can put them in italics, which can be used to signify the shift into the present tense. An entire story in present tense is a problem to read unless it's very well done.

2
apochimongitus•

You can still build tension in the past tense. Do you have a link or a sample paragraph of past tense and it how it transistions into present tense.?

1
linearcoreOP•

In this short story there aren't really transitions. There's a break, and the next "scene" starts. Since the entire story takes place over three days, and it's only about 5k words I just broke it down to scenes. It's a sci-fi piece. There's four pages of past tense before this, and the present tense lasts a page before it breaks and returns to past tense. Here's the "transition": (the line is a 3* break that reddit doesn't like)

"I had been thinking about it again while watching the debates. The Purity campaign was a big selling point. I was grumbling to myself. Switch always worried about my anger. I couldn't go into it like that. I would make it personal. People might get hurt. She wouldn’t have to worry. It was going to be personal.

It happens too quickly sometimes. A zip-squeal, a sixty to one ratio of time. My life is on fast forward. I feel like I'm on a train blasting past myself every moment. This is the time. The focus always does this to me, once I start, once I set in.

I catch glimpses of the action; I'm watching the movie of my life out of the corner of my eye. Walking down the street, SIN tab buzzing every thirty feet. I scratch my fake left eye. It still itches. Front doors slide open. SIN tab buzzes. A head nods."...

1
apochimongitus•

That was good. I honestly didn't notice the change in tense and it seems to work quite well.

1
wdalright•

Shift tenses can certainly be jarring, but I think it can also work if handled appropriately. I think I would have a hard time judging it without a good deal of context, like 2-3 pages worth.

I'm gonna go ahead and pimp Scribophile, which I recently found out about in another r/writing post. You can get some great critiques there. It operates on a karma system (critique others stories in order to post your own), and it rotates stories through a spotlight system that guarantees every piece posted on the sight gets at least 3 substantial critiques. I would highly recommend setting up an account and posting your story there.

1