My heart and soul are hurting

This shit has been controlling my thoughts and actions for a decade now. I’m about to turn 24 this month and I want to put this part of my life behind me. It’s gotten so bad that when I try to quit I still find myself making bs excuses and even jerking off on sites like Chatroulette. This shit is killing my soul and sometimes I just tear up when I look at my girlfriend because I know that this is not fair. I want to do it for myself and I want to do it for her. I love this girl and want to marry her someday but i know I can’t sustain a healthy relationship with this addiction in my life. I just wanted to get this out there because I have found that talking about it, even to strangers has been one of the best strategies when I do abstain. That’s all. Peace and love y’all.