Feeling super defeated, need some advice.

My husband’s life goal is to join the military, but I am just not there with him. We talked about other options like being a police officer or working for the feds, and I thought we had a decent compromise, but he came to me and told me that he talked to some of his friends at work and has been really deep in prayer and he can’t get the military out of his mind.

I don’t even know how to feel right now because I want to be supportive of all of his endeavors and I really want him to live a life with no regrets. I want to be his #1 cheerleader and support. I want to share in his joy and excitement... but I just can’t this time. We have an 18 month old daughter and I am due with our second baby in 3 months. I feel like he just dropped a bomb on me and found out that he “had been figuring out how to bring it up for weeks now.” I guess I just feel so defeated because 1) we don’t believe in separation or divorce (except for in certain circumstances that we have already talked about), 2) I’m not going to quit just because things are hard, and 3) I want him to be happy. At the same time, I feel like 1) I didn’t sign up to be a single mom, 2) our kids didn’t sign up to have an absentee dad, 3) there were no discussions of military service prior to our marriage (this was due to other circumstances which have now changed) and I am really struggling with the thought of him being subject to whatever the military wants, whenever it wants it... 4) I don’t want to end up in a loveless marriage because we aren’t around each other enough, and 5) I truthfully feel like I would have resentment towards him if he left, but that he would resent me if he stayed. I also have a really hard time making friends and stay home most of the time (I’m also a SAHM), so the prospect of dealing with basic training and future deployments makes me anxious because I feel like I probably won’t have a conversation with an actual adult for weeks, if not months, at a time.

There are so many other thoughts swirling through my mind, but I can’t even keep them straight. I’m secretly a mess. I am trying to keep my happy face on and I don’t want to push him away because I’m upset, but I am so worried about being complacent, falling out of love with him just because of our circumstances (that won’t ever happen 100%.. he’s got my whole heart), and I fear that our kids won’t grow up having a close relationship with him because he’ll be gone all the time. Plus, the whole social aspect of military life is not something I can get behind.. there are too many unspoken rules and regulations.

I just need some advice on what to say to him or how to make it through. I really want him to be happy with his life and I want to be behind him as his wife 100%, but I am having a hard time giving up all of my goals/aspirations for our family just so he can live out his dream. I know it may be coming across as selfish, but I’m just not sure I’m cut out for it, I am worried about what the quality of our marriage would be, and I am really worried about our kids and the relationships they would end up having with him. Our daughter is OBSESSED with her dad, I would hate watching her lose that spark because he isn’t around.

Please don’t judge, just help me out. Thanks.