How to get my narcissistic husband get over his anger and silent treatment, to start a healthy conversation?

I have been married for 5 years with the man that I (still) love. Last week, he forced me to sign a divorce paper immediately after I made a mistake of "giving him the ultimatum" telling him that he needs to change or I would leave.

He is not a bad person. He was caring, loving, and he realized he ha issues in connecting in an emotional level. It was a beautiful relationship when it was good. It was full with kisses, hugs, dates ... until it stops. It stops when I start criticizing him.

Things that I thought would benefit for the relationship if I communicate to him became things that destroyed my relationship.

I felt that he was emotionally disconnected. He would let me know "how things going at work" or what he has been doing , but not really in a deeper/emphatic level. He rarely talk about his childhood, or his dreams, or his fears or wishes. He often tells me in a very fast and efficient way when I asked him about it. Like when you are asking a waiter what is on the menu in a restaurant. It made me feel lonely , and like I was just being his housemate. When I talked about him about this he became angry. He told me I was being ungrateful, after all his support financially and physically, providing me with a house, supporting me with my work.

Sometimes he would be furious about weird things that I don't understand, like the way I fold my clothes, or when he found ants in the kitchen. He would scream at me about how dirty the house is, while we actually agreed that cleaning is our shared responsibility. While he was in rage, he would once in a while telling me that I should not defend my self, and I should not be ashamed for being a bad cleaner. He then would show me how things should be one around the house. Sometimes I would believe him. That I was just a bad cleaner.

Sometimes he would unconsciously do things that hurts me accidentally. Like when he gave away my birthday present for his 38th birthday to his friend. When I asked him about it, he told me "why would you be upset about it? .....it's just stuff" .

Our biggest and last fight that drove him to divorce me happened 4 weeks ago. Started with a zoom call he did with his group of friends. I overheard him telling his friends that "he and I are just friends now and sharing a house." After his call ended, I asked him why would he say that, and I told him I would like to repair the relationship if he thinks that we are lacking intimacy. Surprisingly, his answer was calmly "Well.. that is how I feel, I am not attracted to you sexually, or romantically. After we have been trying so long, don't you think we should just stop and accept that we are just married friends?"

After all of similar issues, denials, and frustration, I was unable to control my emotion when I heard him saying that. I kept asking why, demanding explanation. His answer was " I thought you knew" . I then asked him " do you mean that you would be fine if I date other guys? wouldn't you be jealous?" he said " sure... go ahead" In my rage I installed a dating app in front of him, hoping that he would stop me from doing it, but he didn't. I told him that this has gone too far. I don't want to be in a platonic relationship. I want him to love me like his wife, or I leave.

After that fight, I told him that I need to cool down. So I went on a 3 weeks holiday. I sent him my return ticket, hoping that he would pick me up at the airport like he always do.

On my 5th day of holiday I noticed that he erased me from his instagram (stupid thing to be upset about.. I am not even in to instagram that much.. but after all of the things that has happened.. it meant a lot!). I then call him and ask him of it. His reaction was rage. He told me that I was being manipulative and that I am verbally abusive . He told me that although he acted like it was nothing, deeply he was terribly hurt and abused when I asked him if it would be ok if I date other men. He sait it was very manipulative of me to use dating app to get me what I want from him.

He then also told me that he has also installed the dating app and dated several women because I did to. I was shaken. I apologized, I told him I never went on any dates. I cried, I beg. But it was too late. He told me that all has been broken, that I betrayed his trust and he would never be able to forgive me for all of the manipulation that I did. He told me to sign the divorce papers immediately and that I should not be bothered going home, because he does not want me there.

So here I am stranded in an Island, with few t shirts and bikinis. My 3 weeks holidays seems to change in to a forever.

I am heartbroken, hurt. I called him everyday after that. No response. I emailed him a long heartfelt email, no reply. I texted, I sent our old pictures, songs.. nothing. He only response that I got after telling him how much I am sorry and how much I miss and love him is "..Stop that.. I don't believe you.. you just saying that because you want to go home".

That is confusing. Why wouldn't he believe that I love or miss him? Deep down I still love him, and would like to understand him more.

I now feel like both ways ( going home or not) is not going to do any good.

What should I do? ( I know most people will say "just leave" and I am also considering that option. But is there anything else that I can do?)