just want to be gone

wish i could give up my life to someone else... i dont deserve to have a life to live and it doesnt help that one of my friends attempted 2 times already i want to help her but i cant even help myself

also im gonna fail one of the most important exams in my life literally only had one job and i cant even fucking do that right i was supposed to be the smart one so what happened? if i dont have my grades then i dont have anything at all... i have no other worth and i feel like my friends are only with me out of pity or wouldnt really be impacted if i was gone, i dont have anyone who i can consider a best friend or partner and i dont think anyone would even see me that way either

im only alive for my family bc i dont wanna push more stress onto them and become even more of a burden even after im gone. also im a fucking coward who would never dare to end their own life.

anyways my plan is for february after i collect my shit sack of results im gonna write letters to everyone who would at least be affected i guess and pray for my soul to not be reincarnated

the worst part is i couldve prevented feeling like this but all i know how to do now i regret