[3217] Unfinished Novella – First Chapter & Interlude

This is the beginning of a story about all sorts of stuff that I like and enjoy thinking about. With its current trajectory, I project that the finished product will be between 30k and 40k words. Please tell me why it's dogshit and I shouldn't bother finishing the second section.

Story:

Google Docs

PDF (featuring marginally nicer formatting & white-on-black text)

Critiques:

[3038] + [1925] = [4963]

^(oh god why am i posting this at north america nighttime please someone say something nice while i sleep)